Red Hot Summer Roundup 2012 (featuring Eastwooding, Olympics, and demographic wonkery)!!!

Fall means back to school time and one of the early homework assignments as a kid was usually 'What I Did and Learned Over the summer' Well here's what I learned this summer:

NBC still has not figured out how to broadcast the Olympics - NBC taped delayed all the notable Olympic coverage even though most people already knew the outcomes. NBC defended its prime-time coverage because of some concept they called 'plausible reality'. (If that isn't inflated new age, Marketing bullshit I don't what is) where the tape delay seems live thanks to clever editing, 'looks live' feel. You know what else creates a 'plausible reality'? Something called 'the Internet' wherein people find out whether Michael Phelps won a mere 10 hours before NBC decides to even acknowledge it happened.

Mikala Maroney when asked about NBC's coverage

That business model would have worked in say 1980 before the advent of ESPN where sports was relegated to a 3-minute segment on the 11:00 news and otherwise you had to wait til the morning newspaper Sports section. A time when information traveled about as fast as the speed of a rotary phone. Now not so much, thus Bob Costas can stop with that smug look on his face as he tries to tease us into watching a sporting result where we already know the result. Seeing as NBC have exclusive Olympic coverage until 2024 they have 12 more years to get it right.

FUN BONUS FACT #1!: If anyone tells you they watched the 1980 US Men's hockey team upset the Soviets live they are either lying or misremembering. The game was actually played 3:00 that afternoon and tape delayed for later that evening so unless you were in the arena you did not see it live. Americans didn't really find out about it until the 6:00 news. What they watched was a tape delay that evening and reacting to something that happened five hours earlier.

Roone Arledge, former ABC Sports President and godfather of modern Sports broadcasting including inventing Monday Night Football called that decision one of the dumbest moves he ever made as producer. Of course no surprise to find NBC has not learned the pitfalls of tape delay seeing this is the same network which in the 90's gave up exclusive rights for NFL football opting for...Notre Dame football. How'd that work out?

If You're worried about the impending Post-antibiotic apocalypse (or are a Porn Star), now might the time to say 'Ruh-Roh' - According to the Centers for Disease Control we are down to one functioning antibiotic to treat Gonorrhea. For years public health people have complained Pharma was spending too much time on lifestyle drugs and not the ones that matter. We may find out too soon they were right.

'Literally' is literally the worst adverb - If ever looking for the fastest way to ever piss off a Linguist, writer, or English teacher, blogger Sarah Miller at the theawl.com suggests misusing the word literally. What's the difference between these two sentences:

1.We sat on the tarmac for an hour waiting to take off

2.We literally sat on the tarmac for an hour waiting to take off

The latter suggests you are either lying, embellishing, or being overly dramatic in your story along with being redundant. If your plane was delayed an hour because sitting on a runway, you really do not need to literally inject 'literally' into the description. My alternative to using literally to denote something really happened is 'Hey Man this ain't no bullshit'

Speaking of being overly dramatic, introducing America's newest affliction - Have you ever been out shopping and come across someone who appears to be having a animated conversation with a cell phone. Sort along the lines 'Oh my God,Christie they do not my shoe size!. And now my whole weekend plans are RUINED! (followed by uncontrollable sobbing)

They may have come down with Reality TV derangement syndrome. A psychological disorder characterized when individual thinks they are the star of their own reality TV show. Symptoms include the need to perform in public places, by taking a mundane task or problem and blowing it up into some epic crisis where they share the drama to anyone within the immediate vicinity.

Though the American Psychiatric Association rejects my claim insisting this is mere narcissism right before they hung up on me (rude bastards). I propose to name this affliction Kardashianism and will be expecting my Nobel Prize in the mail any day now. Recommended treatment option is The Reverse Shakespeare: Insist that all the world is not really a stage, and nor should all the men and women merely just be players in it.

Now That's What We Call Music? - The ubiquitous selling, biannual, CD series 'Now That's What I Call Music' featuring all the best in soulless, vapid, cookie cutter Top 40 throwaway songs became the World's biggest selling music series ever. Yes I said World's biggest. When asked for the secret of success, Industry insiders noted the advent in audio technology that allowed large, smoking piles of crap to be encased on a compact disk. As you ponder this factoid, keep in mind right now music execs are wondering aloud without the slightest hint of irony why no one buys full length CD's anymore. Signified by former A-list singers Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, and Adam Levine reduced to judging karaoke shows.

MySpace hit a new low (wait you mean there still isn't a floor?) - Lily Allen, who along with Adele, and Justin Bieber were discovered on the social media site admitted on Twitter she had forgot her password to MySpace and hadn't logged on in over a year.

The end of Western Civilization is now upon us - A show called The Adventures of Honey Boo Boo premiered.

Jeff Foxworthy's jokes practically write themselves -  'If you're idea of upholding Christian ideals of social justice is a eating greasy chicken sandwich from a homophobic fast food chain. You might be a redneck'

In response to criticism of Chick Fil'A anti-gay stance, thousands of Christians flocked to donate time and money at food pantries and homeless shelters get chicken sandwiches because that's how Jesus would of wanted it...according to Mike Huckabee. But have Huckabee or any other fire-and brimstone Baptist preachers ever wondered if it was sort odd Jesus never uttered a word about homosexuality. Even more peculiar, he was Jerusalem's most eligible bachelor, yet eshewed the ladies to always hang out with 12 dudes. Not implying anything. just sayin.

The only biblical evidence may have favored heterosexual marriage was the passage found John 3:69 'Upon seeing Mary Magdaline, Jesus said 'Hey Girl, really digging that frock'

Clint Eastwood spoke to an empty chair and in the process revealed the deep psyche of the modern Republican Party - In the moment that probably set Mitt Romney's Presidential hopes spiraling down in flames, Eastwood projected from an empty chair a vulgar, thuggish Obama who reacts crassly to criticism to his record at the Republican Nat'l Convention. I've never met Obama but I'm pretty sure vulgar and angry he is not. And Eastwood isn't the only conservative whose perception of Obama just does not jive with reality. Over the past four years Obama has been labeled everything by conservatives from a Kenyan Socialist, to a fascist tyrant, to the Anti-Christ. 

The next great internet meme: Eastwooding

In reality I would not even call Obama a liberal but more of a Clintonite centrist or even a Blue Dog Democrat (moderate conservative). So why all the vitriol? For years demographers have been forecasting whites will be minority in the US by 2050. Like geology, changes in demographics often occur slowly, unseen, and often unnoticed until revealed in a sudden, Earth changing event. The election of Obama in 2008 was akin to a demographic earthquake where older, white Americans suddenly realized they aren't in charge anymore.

This op-ed piece from Broward County Sun Sentinel Journal lays it out perfectly:

The GOP today is largely a party of rabid, old, white men in the unhappy dusk of their lives, railing against a nation in which they are no longer the dominant players. It is sad to watch — and sadder to be one of them. You can smell the mothballs of their memories and memorabilia (hats and banners resurrected for the convention), read the rage in their eyes.

And finally, you could see it in every picture of the Tampa convention, especially contrasted with those from the Democrats: The undeniable truth is that the Republican Party is on the wrong side of demographics, which means it's on the wrong side of history. Tragically for our political system, which depends on a vigorous, healthy two-party system, it has chosen to assume the role of permanent obstructionist, ignoring the inevitable changes in population diversity that will eventually bury it.

This man was going to be the next Senator from Missouri, until he verbally diarrhea'd all over himself -

During a low-stakes TV interview with a St.Louis station, Senate candidate Todd Akin casually floated his thoughts about women and rape. Namely that women could not get pregnant from 'legitimate rape' because the female body has the ability to identify 'hostile' sperm and shut down its baby making process. Thus its okay to ban abortion in instances including rape.

Before searching for that theory on Google, don't bother because no reputable doctor has ever given credence to that idea. Akin has about as much credibility on female anatomy as I have, which is zero. Of course condemnation came far and wide with even GOP demanding he drop out of the race. He refused and now essentially turned a guaranteed GOP Senate pick-up into a probable loss. But one thing needs to be cleared up, what Akin said was not a gaffe which implies a flub of the English language or saying something you didn't mean. Akin said what he truly believes, and the real reason he's been scorned by the GOP establishment is he said something publicly what was only to be mentioned in private. You know so as not to scare off moderate voters.

One has to feel that Texas Republican Sen.Jon Cornyn who in charge of running the Senate campaign strategy could probably use a drink....or three. Akin represents another in a growing line of Religious Right loons whose extreme views have cost the GOP winnable elections and control of the US Senate. Akin was leading Democrat Sen.Claire McCaskill by nine points, but is now trailing by three and counting.

And speaking of extreme Religious Right loons here's a hot new conspiracy theory: Staunch Anti-Abortion Activists are motivated by white supremacy - Now I have no proof of this but I have noticed those on the far-right have been using a very curious term called a 'Demographic Winter'.

In a strict academic sense this term is when the annual number of births falls below the number of deaths for a country or region leading to natural population decline. However when used by Far Right-Wing organizations like NOM (Nat'l Organization for Marriage) and the American Family Association it takes on a more subtextual meaning. The US Census Bureau noted 2011 was a milestone as it was the first year that number of births for non-white babies surpassed that of white babies. Thus 'demographic winter' can be translated as 'not enough white babies are being born' giving plausible explanation for the fervant opposition to abortion especially among white mothers. Also explaining opposition to gay marriage since why waste two decent white gay guys when they should be marrying white women and having children, not raving to Lady Gaga

Obviously there is no corroborating evidence but next time you hear that phrase used by someone whose not a demographer. Try prodding their views on race, because what they say might absolutely frighten you.

Something funny happened during Microsoft's path to World domination - What if I told you in terms of technology there could have been an entirely alternate history from the one we know now. From Kurt Eichenwald in Vanity Fair a list of would've, could've, should'ves involving Microsoft:

- In 1998 developed an electronic reader which featured first ever Touch Screen technology....10 years ahead of Amazon Kindle and Apple iPad

- In 2003 developed an idea to post statuses or updates for MSN messenger and see what friends were up to...3 years ahead of Facebook or Twitter

- In 2005 developed a smart phone type device with ability to add and create cool little apps like play music, snap pictures or browse the web...3 years ahead of the iPhone

So how come none of this ever came to bear? All of these ideas came from junior developers but were killed by stifling corporate bureaucracy, obsession with stock price, and managerial arrogance. Industries relying of creativity and inventiveness should not model corporate atmosphere after those of an accounting firm. The lesson of Microsoft is that companies still abiding by old 20th Century rules of business management are doomed to fail in the 21st Century.

FUN BONUS FACT #2! - When Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer eventually gets fired 'resigns to spend more time with his family' he can at least take heart in knowing he was not the biggest mistake in business history.  That honor goes to IBM who in 1959 told two budding inventors that their new 'xerography' machine which made dry copies of existing documents would only have a sales potential of at most 6,000 units. Those two inventors would later found a little known company called Xerox and that machine today would colloquially be called a 'Xerox machine'.

And Microsoft would not be existence if not for IBM. In 1983 Bill Gates showed IBM's executives a new potential operating system to run their computers called 'Windows' facilitated by a device called the 'mouse' to enable a concept called 'point and click' navigation. Not only were IBM executives unimpressed but made perhaps the single most incorrect prediction in history: 'Nobody's going to want a computer in their home'

We're now living in the era of 'Big Data' - George Orwell in the book 1984 once mythologized Big Brother, an all knowing, all-seeing apparatus which controlled the population. Today we have Big Data used by government and corporations and may now know more about you than know about you. Everytime you use your credit card, send something on your cellphone, browse something online; data about that event is being collected, analyzed, and modeled to predict or possibly control future behavior. An example are those loyalty cards grocery stores or other chains use. The reason companies willingly give discounts for using them is because consumers are giving them in return something far more valuable: data and information about their purchasing habits.

Here's how powerful data mining can be. Target in 2010 developed an algorithm to predict when female customers were one to three months pregnant, by noticing they started stockpiling a particular combination of 25 items (ie: baby lotion, cotton balls, diapers, and baby towels all together in one purchase). The goal was to send out baby coupons to these customers who met this algorithm and get a jump ahead of Babies R Us by luring them in for bigger items later on like cribs, toys, etc. So they test run this strategy sending out a circulars with maternity items. Later that week a middle-aged man walks into Minneapolis, MN store fuming mad that they sent his 16 year old daughter maternity stuff and demanded an apology. The next day a manager calls to follow-up except this time the man is apologetic. Turns out his daughter actually was pregnant.

More info Here

 

See what data mining can do for you

 

It's time for my NEW RULES 2012 (concept shamelessly stolen from Bill Maher)

Like my comedy hero Bill Maher I feel the need about this time every year to spout off on what I think should be new rules....

NEW RULE #1 - If lawmakers can't even say the word vagina then lawmakers should not be legislating it: This summer, two female lawmakers in the Michigan House of Representatives were censured for having the temerity of mentioning vagina during debate on an anti-abortion bill. I guess both lawmakers figured, seeing as they actually have a vagina, and since babies come out of a vagina, who better than address the issue of reproductive rights than say someone who has one.

(Interesting way to put it)

Strange how since the sexual revolution we've become more puritan in that we cannot even mention the technical medical term for a woman's' va-jay-jay' in polite conversation. I would imagine Michigan House Speaker Jase Bolger would really get the vapors if anti-abortionists get around trying to ban men from getting vasectomies. Then lawmakers would have tiptoe around saying the word p-p-p-p---penis and t-t-t-t----testicles. Maybe they could substitute 'Russel the love muscle and the dynamic duo' in formal debate.

NEW RULE #2 - If a beer needs gimmicks and flashy advertising then its probably not good beer:

So Coors has a can that turns blue letting you know its cold for people whom the sense of touch isn't enough. Miller Lite has a new pop tab can and vortex bottle to help the beer flow smoother for those too lazy to swallow. And apparently if you drink Michelob Ultra you ride around with Lance Armstrong in the California mountains with a bunch of other extremely attractive people. All of this my guess is to hide the fact that each aforementioned beer basically tastes like pisswater.

In the two decades or so I've been 'legally' drinking (wink,wink,nudge,nudge) I've found good beer sells itself and doesn't need gimmicks, women in bikinis, or talking animals. Seeing as the three big American brewers are now facing big competition from the rise of Craft and Speciality beer, including Yuengling, Sierra Nevada, and Sam Adams. Perhaps actually improving the beer would improve sales. If we must still resort to advertising how about a return to clever catchphrases like the Schaffer classic: 'The ONE beer to have when you're having more than ONE'

NEW RULE #3 - Jenny McCarthy has a body count: No Jenny McCarthy does not literally have a body count via murder. But by giving voice and media attention to the fringe anti-vaccination cult starting in 2007, she along with hack Robert F. Kennedy Jr. have convinced well-meaning but otherwise gullible parents (alright lets just call them dumb) that vaccines cause autism and that there is a false choice as whether to have them administered to their children. Thanks to them here's the result based on Centers for Disease Control data compiled by the website jennymccarthybodycount.com.

As of July 7, 2012:

- Number of Vaccine Preventable Illnesses in US since her involvement: 100,380

- Number of Deaths from those illnesses: 1,014

- The average cost to treat Vaccine Preventable Illnesses in a hospital: $10,000 per case and up to $100,000 if intensive care is needed

- Number of Autism cases in US scientifically linked to Vaccines: 0.0*

(* - The only study to link autism to vaccines was retracted in 2010 after its author British researcher Andrew Wakefield admitted to falsifying his data and charged with fraud while subsequently stripped of his medical license)

Just about anyone working in the medical sector will tell you vaccines are one of the most important advancements in public health since the discovery of antibiotics. Prior to McCarthy's stupidity, diseases like Measles, Mumps, and Whooping Cough were practically eradicated from the US. Prior to 1998 we averaged just 56 Measles cases a year, and was considered so rare medical schools no longer felt the need to teach about the disease.

(Thanks, Jenny)

Now look at Measles since 2005 and we suddenly have ourselves a health crisis where we should not have one. My heart goes out to families dealing with autism, but attacking vaccines will not stop the disease or improve the lives of Autistic children. To families still not vaccinating their children, please remember its not always just about you. And finally for the fawning media, next time ask McCarthy about all the time and money wasted to confirm vaccines don't cause Autism (try $42 million) that could have gone toward autism research. Then sit back and watch her botox riddled face try to come up with an answer.

NEW RULE #4 - Cosmo Magazine needs to stop giving sex advice: Men would like ladies to know that most of the tips in Cosmo are pretty useless, unless you want a night of intimacy to end in spectacular failure. From a list of 44 ridiculous tips compiled from Jezebel.com blogger Ben Reininga:

"Hold his penis in one hand and lightly slap it with the other... you can tap it back and forth like you're volleying a tennis ball and lightly pinch the skin on his shaft and testicles. Many women make the mistake of being too gentle."

Second opinion: make the mistake of being too gentle. At least until you ask.

"Fifty-six percent of unmarried men prefer receiving head while lying down as opposed to standing up, while the numbers are exactly reversed for married men."

I think that means you are one married man and two standard deviations from overthinking foreplay.

"Think of his shaft... like the outer curve of your breast. ...Take his shaft between your open palms and tap it back and forth, almost like you're volleying a tennis ball. The quick movements are a fun way to wake up his nerves."

First, do women like their breasts to be "volleyed" like tennis balls? Also: stop hitting me.

"Use silicone-based lube to give each other pre-nooky rubdowns."

Bonus: it's water-resistant, so it'll never come off!

NEW RULE #5 - Whenever Pat Robertson appears in the media, he should be referred to as 'God's official asshat':  Even if you're not convinced God exists, Pat Robertson would convince you that God has a wicked sense of humor. Everytime Robertson makes a deluded statement like Denver Broncos would suffer God's wrath for trading uber-christian quarterback to the Jets to make way for Peyton Manning. I always imagined somewhere in heaven, Jesus and his apostles hanging out at a beatnik club enjoying Robertson the way hipsters would enjoy Bill Murray at his deadpan best reading the Twitter timelines of the Kardashians.

NEW RULE #6 - Skinny fashionistas who criticize Kate Upton need to get a grip (along with a sandwich and less distorted body image): - Some pro-skinny, or pro-Ana (as in anorexia) bloggers recently gotten their jollies calling Upton fat and a cow. I'll chalk it up to mean girls being jealous since Upton signifies the end of the skinny Kate Moss era in modeling.

If you ask most dieticians and doctors they would call her 'healthy',

If you ask most women they would call her 'meh, she's alright', which is translated to 'Yeah she's hot, but my boyfriend likes her so naturally I hate her' 

If you ask most men they would say ''meh, she's alright' which is translated to 'Holy Mother of Pearl! Can those be real!? With that body she could probably bend time and space to her will! Pardon me while I pick my tongue up off the floor!'

Give men the option of a Kate Upton or a Mary Kate Olsen, I'll bet Upton wins say 1000% of time.

NEW RULE #7 - In order to save real journalism, we will institute the 'TMZ Tax': As local newspapers and investigative reporting in general become endangered by lack of revenue, a 25% tax shall be imposed on earnings from all tabloids, entertainment fluff shows (ala Extra, Entertainment Tonight, E! Network), and gossip sites. This will help fund the news sources that really matter, like the PBS documentary series Frontline or as teenagers would refer to it 'The kinda of shit you really need to know about'.

So alongside salacious headlines like 'Snooki shops for baby clothes!' we'll get 'Billionaire oil barons the Koch Brothers shop for State politicians to destroy local environmental laws!' And with 'Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth getting serious by ring shopping!', there's 'Congressmen and Wall Street lobbyists get cozy at dinner! Could privatized Social Security be next!'

If it weren't for investigative reporters some of our Nation's biggest scandals would have never seen the light of day. Even in small towns there are reporters like Sarah Ganim from the Harrisburg (PA) Patriot Times who doggedly pursued rumors about a ongoing cover-up at a nearby major university for over two years. And who despite numerous roadblocks and obstacles put in her path managed this past fall to uncover the biggest scandal in the history of not just collegiate sports but higher education. Thanks to Sarah Ganim we have our next rule..

NEW RULE #8 - Now That Jerry Sandusky is going to prison and Joe Paterno's legacy has been eviscerated lets focus on the root cause of the Penn State scandal: Sports writers, moralists, op-ed writers, sports show phone-in callers, bloggers, trolls, and even my dentist have all debated ad-naseum about the Penn State scandal and Paterno's legacy. I won't continue that discussion other to say it would be a good for Paterno's family at this point in the wake of the PSU-Freeh Report to just shut the hell up. We're done listening. Any chance of plausible deniability is gone.

We know Sandusky was a monster but in terms of enabling a monster former Penn State President Graham Spanier is the chief villain in this sordid tale. Why Spanier is not facing any criminal charges (yet) when the decision to cover-up Sandusky's child rape both began and ended with him is a complete mystery. What Spanier represents is everything that's wrong with higher education in America. The idea that Paterno ran the show is absolute bullshit. Spanier could have ended this at any time.

('Don't worry Coach, I told Jerry to take his kid raping somewhere else.)

Imagine the mayor of a 15,000 to 60,000 person town who is:

- Unelected and has complete authority to do whatever they want while being completely unaccountable to anybody (sure there is a 'Board of Trustees' but Penn State showed how little power they really have).

- Has control over a budget of sometimes Billions of dollars and can decide where it goes, who it goes to without any  transparency or scrutiny.

- Can make personnel decisions without second guessing or external review.

- Controls the police department and can shut down any investigation they'd like

- Can directly edit and control content of media and speech within the community without any regard for person's rights.

Would you want to live in a town like that? Well if you are a college student at a major public University than you do. Spanier embodies the phrase 'power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely', resulting in University Presidents and their lackeys amassing too much power at the expense of actual education. Even if you take away revenue from major college athletics, patents from research along with the tuition fees they charge students has turned public universities into profitable corporations. But for the betterment of whom, the students or people who run them?

And at no point in the last 20 years has any major college President ever said 'I think out tuition is getting too high and were pricing out middle and working class students. So I think our focus should be where can we lower costs'. Instead its about enjoying the perks and privileges of being a chief executive and the money lavished by banks that profit from student loans and textbook manufacturers who enjoy exclusivity in the student bookstore. When a University becomes so powerful and wealthy that it places its reputation above the welfare of children and overall human decency, then its time for a major overhaul of our higher education system. And reminding University Presidents everywhere they serve students, not vice versa.

NEW RULE #9 - People opposed to gay marriage can't qualify it with 'But I have gay friends': If you had gay friends or really considered them to be your friends you would respect their right to have their relationships legally recognized. Plus if your gay friends knew you were opposed to gay marriage, then I doubt very much they would want you to be their friend. And then you would no longer be invited to all their fabulous parties.

And on a related note..

NEW RULE #10: A reminder to Evangelical Christians, the 1st Amendment guarantees freedom of speech but... - ...it does not shield you from legitimate criticism others may have in reaction to your free speech. A quick lesson in the US Constitution for all those claiming religious persecution for speaking out against gay marriage. The 1st Amendment prevents the government from limiting free speech. However in the public marketplace of thoughts and ideas, when you say something controversial like you are against gay marriage, other people have the right to (ideally) respectfully disagree with your position.

It is at that point you cannot say others are infringing on your freedom of speech, just because your circle of friends, co-workers, family, etc all of a sudden think you're an asshole for opposing gay marriage. Same goes for the Catholic church, Chick Fil'A, and actor Kirk Cameron who think being criticized for opposing gay marriage is an attack on their religious beliefs. Rush Limbaugh can call as many pro-choice women activists sluts as he wants. That's his constitutional right. But sponsors have the the constitutional right to yank advertising from Limbaugh because they take offense to having their wives, mothers, sisters, and daughters being called sluts.

(Correction: In the above post I noted Kirk Cameron is an 'actor' which was later deemed offensive to actual talented, working actors. Thus the line should be corrected to 'former child star and grown-up douchebag Kirk Cameron'. I apologize for this oversight and any insult which this may have caused)

NEW RULE #11 - In the Hunger Games vs. Twilight Debate There's A Clear Winner: Takeaway the love triangle in Hunger Games and its still a kick-ass tale about a cruel televised fight to the death while serving as a modern take on Joan of Arc and subtle satire on reality television. Do the same for Twilight and its just a bunch teenagers in the Pacific Northwest who mope around in the rain all day. Conclusion: Hunger Games wins and true to the Capital's autocratic style there will be no arguments or dissension. Thank You

NEW RULE #12 - Generational Warfare is the new Class Warfare: As detailed by Stephen Marche in Esquire back in April, the real economic woes being experienced by young people today are not necessarily the 1% vs. everyone else but retired people over age 65 enjoying unprecedented wealth sometimes at the expense of those under age 35. Some stats for you to chew on:

(From:Esquire)

Now to add insult to injury the up and coming older generation regarded as the Baby Boomer generation who still cling to the reigns of power in both government and business are suddenly on a kick about austerity and cutbacks for social programs because of the National Debt. A debt of $15 Trillion dollars THIS current older generation created and now seem unwilling to sacrifice themselves to pay down. If this seems patently unfair it is.

(From: Esquire)

So much for the social contract that each generation tries to leave things better than when they found it. Not trying to paint Baby Boomers with too broad a brush but to summarize: They got everything, sacrificed nothing, ran up a giant debt while leading Government, created the practice of outsourcing jobs while leading Business. And now want to tell young people facing record unemployment they must foot the bill because 'austerity for thee but not for me'.

(From: Esquire)

Young people in their 20's and 30's need their own version of the AARP (American Assoc. of Old Farts urr Retired People) to lobby Congress and reset our social priorities to include affordable higher education, health care, solidifying Social Security, and oh yeah jobs. The good news is by 2010, the Millennials, and Gen Y'ers will outnumber those over 65. So if every eligible young person voted, and helped grabbed the levers of power, politicians would suddenly be inclined to balance public spending to serve the needs of everybody instead of just telling those damn kids to get off Granny's lawn.

AND FINALLY, NEW RULE #13 - Since mental illness and gun rampages appear correlated, lets use sales tax from guns and ammunition to fund adequate mental healthcare in America: To be honest I don't understand the allure of guns but since the 2nd Amendment gives people the right to bear arms, if people get their jollies from shooting guns then so be it. Back in colonial times having a gun was essential for warding off bears, Indians, British soldiers, etc. Today though gun ownership is mostly a hobby, like sailing, bird watching, or antiquing. But unlike those other hobbies, guns have a huge collateral price in lives lost.

('Hi, Can I get a AK47 fully automatic rifle, 60 rounds of ammunition, and I'm sort of in a hurry!')

In light of the latest mass murder tragedy in Aurora, CO, I wish the Nat'l Rifle Association would realize that like alcohol which is also guaranteed in the Constitution, owning guns comes with responsibility and there should reasonable limits to who can get a gun. I wish gun owners would sacrifice a little bit of convenience for  safeguards like closing the gun show loophole and having quantity limits on high powered ammunition sales.

Understandably from the gun seller point of view what exactly constitutes a 'responsible' adult can be tricky so why not take portion of gun sales taxes every year and fund mental health facilities where people who look ready to go off the rails on a crazy train can get help instead of a getting a gun. And people identified as likely to commit violence can safely be taken out of the general population when they represent a threat to everybody else. Failing that can gun sellers at least use a little discretion, like when a person who seems 'a little off', 'appears a few croutons short of a salad' or has the 'thousand yard stare' suddenly wants to buy a high powered assault rifle and has an unexplained urgent need to have it now. Feel free to say 'uh, how about a nice water pistol instead?'

How a 1950's Horror Movie Explains Our Healthcare Crisis (And Why the Supreme Court Just Made The Right Decision) PART 2

Part 2

8. So how did we get to this point? -

Well Teddy Roosevelt wanted to start National Health Insurance program running for a third term in the Progressive Bull Moose Party....but the 1912 elections got in the way (he lost)

Later Franklin D. Roosevelt wanted to try something similar as part of his New Deal......but World War II got in the way

Then President Richard Nixon and Sen.Edward Kennedy had an idea to create something similar to Obama's plan in 1972....but two scandals (Nixon's Watergate and Kennedy's Chappaquiddick) got in the way

Then Hillary Clinton offered up a plan for universal health coverage....but William Kristol got in the way. Who?

 

Next time the health system fails you. You can thank him

Legend has it as a compromise to Hillarycare, President Bill Clinton and Republican Senate Minority Leader Bob Dole would craft legislation involving much of the same things in today's health care reform. Bill Kristol was the chief Republican strategist who advised then Sen. Dole they could score political points and win the 1994 election by demonizing the health care reform instead of cooperating on a bi-partisan solution.

Dole listened to Kristol, the health care reform failed, the Republicans won the 1994 election. But it also brought us to where we are today where Republicans and the Billionaire Conservative sugar daddies who bankroll them placing value on short-term political victories over the long-term public good. An old adage states politics is about winning the day but governance is about winning the future. Thanks to people like Bill Kristol and Karl Rove, the hyperfocus on politics along with the cynicism and shortsightedness that it breeds have allowed the Healthcare Blob to grow to epic proportions where the free market may not be able to solve the problem by itself anymore.

The irony is what Obama proposed was essentially a Republican idea born out of a conservative think-tank called The Heritage Foundation. The concept of an Individual Mandate was that we are responsible for own health care costs, but the creation of a health insurance exchange could help people without employer based coverage find affordable health insurance and make sure everyone had medical coverage. The reason conservatives liked this idea was because it preserved private, free enterprise system of healthcare while providing a social safety net without the need for universal health care. It's what Mitt 'Any Which Way the Wind Blows' Romney instituted in Massachusetts as Governor, you know when he championed healthcare reform before he was against it. Or was he against it first, then for it when convenient as Governor, now back against it? With him who the hell knows.

9. So without Obamacare how would this movie end? One ending is the worst case scenario -

The Gen'Xers and Y'ers and Millenials and any other 'ers who come after would like to help sustain Medicare through our payroll taxes. But since the 2008 economic crash (brought on by Boomers) sort of destroyed the concept that getting good education begets getting a good job at this rate the medical costs of the old won't be able to be paid for by the young thus starting a vicious chain reaction..... 

When health care costs escalate to where employers both big and small decide the costs of paying health insurance aren't worth the tax deductions providing employees health insurance. Note I mentioned in #2 health insurance comprises 16% of total employee costs. The magic number or tipping point for this to occur is estimated by Economists at 30%. So they turn 'employees' into 'contractors' where legally they don't have provide benefits...

And workers are left without employer coverage face huge Individual health insurance premiums that are more expensive than a mortgage....

And workers then have to spend all their money on expensive Individual health insurance premiums instead of consumer items....

And because nobody buys anything that causes economy to tank and Wall Street turns into claptrap....

And the banksters and baron robbers in the 1% who spearheaded the Obamacare takedown in Supreme Court in the first place to start losing all their wealth too.

10. The other alternate ending: Within 20 years the United States institutes Medicare For All -

I said earlier conservatives would be thankful Obamacare was upheld and here's why. In talking to my Public Health professor for my graduate classes, what Obama's plan represented was really a last ditch effort to save the private insurance industry from the Healthcare Blob. Previously things like Health Maintenance Organizations, Managed Care, Evidenced Based Care, Patient Centered Homes, Wellness Incentives, etc. and all the other industry buzz words and initiatives have failed to halt the advance of escalating health care costs.

The goal of Obamacare was to bend the medical cost curve downward causing the Healthcare Blob to retreat and eventually get it down to a manageable size. All the while preserving a free enterprise, capitalistic health system which frees up revenue for private employers to invest in jobs instead of health insurance. And the tax revenues from those jobs could be freed from paying rising Medicare costs for public investment on things like schools, and infrastructure. The kind of public investment that mark a civilized, modern, advanced society.

Regardless of rich or poor, young or old, Democrat or Republican, Tea Party or Occupy Wall Street, White or Bluecollar, 1% or 99%. All of us are at risk of being eaten by the 'The Healthcare Blob'. While the Obama plan wasn't perfect, it's a start. Republicans have the opportunity to either part of the solution or be part of the problem by continuing to be an obstacle on the path to health care reform. Eventually relief from high medical costs will become a bi-partisan demand. The latest Gallup poll shows only 17% of Americans think our current healthcare system is fine, the vast majority 83% believe healthcare reform is needed even among majority of Republicans who do not like Obama's plan.

Thus if Obamacare had been struck down and the healthcare blob had been allowed to progress down its destructive path. The likely scenario is the overwhelming public demand would eventually bring about a Medicare For All system of universal healthcare becoming law. And the conservatives who would have been popping open the champagne today over Obamacare's defeat would have inadvertently brought about the one thing they feared most: Socialized medicine in America.

How a 1950's Horror Movie Explains Our Healthcare Crisis (And Why the Supreme Court Just Made The Right Decision) PART 1

Disclaimer: I work as a Senior Public Health Policy Analyst at a large Health Insurance company in the Philadelphia area studying the exact problems Healthcare Reform tried to solve. But rather than bore you with dry statistics and mind numbing analysis, I'll use a 1950's horror movie explain our health care crisis. And why The Supreme Court made the right call. (And why conservatives who opposed it will be glad in 20 years)

Part 1

In the 1958 movie 'The Blob' starring Steve McQueen, a meteorite crashes outside a small, rural Pennsylvania town. When a local farmer checks it out the rock opens to reveal a bio-mass blob that looks like jello but quickly proceeds to eat the farmer, and the hospital he was taken to, and the town the hospital resides in, and anyone too slow to run away from slow moving mass of Cranberry sauce (not exactly great special effects back then). The blob essentially gets bigger as it devours everything in its path growing larger and larger until virtually unstoppable. Film buffs note the movie's symbolism had shades of the Cold War with blob representing communism devouring freedom loving America.

Not exactly high end effects back then

However in today's context The Blob can explain the healthcare crisis as it slowly devours America's economy, people, and way of life:

1. What The Is Healthcare Blob and where did it come from - Globally there is a spectrum of two kinds of healthcare systems. On one end is universal health care (or single payer health care) in Canada, UK, Japan, and most of the Industrialized World where health care is free of charge and available to any citizen. The caveat being high taxes are needed to pay for 'free' health care system that everybody uses. On the other end is the US and most of the Developing World where no health insurance is guaranteed and people must get insurance on their own unless poor (Medicaid) or old (Medicare). The caveat being people have lower taxes and freedom to choose health care systems, but get sick without it and you are U-P-S-H-I-T-C-R-E-E-K-W-I-T-H-O-U-T-A-PA-D-D-L-E.

The American healthcare blob is comprised of two things, 1) Escalating healthcare costs due to us becoming unhealthier, living longer, and new technologies that save lives but cost a fortune and 2) 50+ million uninsured who when sick and use health care probably can't pay for it which also drives up the costs. President Obama's plan tried to focus on the latter in hopes it would bring down the former.

2. It's eating our jobs - Here in the US most health insurance is provided by employers because back in World War II when price controls were in place employers could not offer prospective employees higher wages but could offer benefits like health insurance. They also get tax breaks for providing health care to employees. Back in 1958 this was win-win for both employer and employee since health care costs only accounted for 2% of an employees cost to an employer. In 1985 it grew to 9% to where today its 17% of a worker's cost is tied up to their health benefits due to the escalating cost of medical care and is the main reason job growth in our country has slowed down. This also why outsourcing jobs overseas to places like Asia and Latin America are so attractive, employers don't have to pay for health care and in some cases don't have pay employees at all.(I'm looking at you Apple and Nike)

3. It's eating our paychecks - Next time you get a raise from your work try this exercise. Compare the raise in your salary to the increase in your health insurance premium. I will bet money that whatever raise you got in pay was negated by the increase in your health coverage. Generally the rate of inflation in the US is 3% for most consumer goods. As long as worker's annual salary increases stay ahead of inflation, their net income should grow. But health care costs increase 7% each year, and if you have private insurance guess where they pass those increased costs? To you the member. Add in publicly traded health insurance companies where the shareholders have have to get paid first and profits are wrung out by raising premiums, not lowering costs. So 3% increase income - 7% increase in health care = Disappearing Middle Class.

 

USA is #1: in escalating health costs per year Source: OECD

4. It's eating our economy - Health care expenses comprise 15% of America's GDP meaning $1 out of every $6 spent in this country goes toward medical costs. Conservatives have longed poo-pooed universal healthcare saying individuals should not pay for someone's else health costs. But here's the irony, everyday we pay for someone else's healthcare. Built into the price of every consumer product sold in America is a manufacturer's healthcare costs. Buy a new Honda and 18% of the car's price is to pay for Honda employee's healthcare. Buy a coffee from Starbucks and 18% of that Grande, Choca, Latte whatever is the Starbucks employee health care costs. So how can companies lower that 18% to stay competitive and offer a lower price? By laying off employees (and the burden of their healthcare) and shipping jobs overseas.

 

We spend more money but get far less out of our health care system. Source PBS

5. It's Eating Our Uninsured - If you have insurance, next time you get a bill from your doctor, call them up and ask how much of the bill is from 'the uninsured tax'. They'll look at you the way Martin Scorsese looks at Lindsay Lohan when she asks to be his next leading actress. You won't find on any itemized medical bill nor will any health provider ever admit to it but tacked onto the price of any medical service is the cost of uninsured patients who could not pay. So to recoup costs they append it spread out of course to anyone with private health insurance.

 

Rate of uninsured from 1987 to 2008 Source: Census

Classic example: I once needed a head CT scan once for my cleft palate surgery but my health insurance (also my employer, let that irony sink in for a moment) would not pay. So the billing lady says normally they charge $1,500 to the insurance but if I pay cash out of pocket its only $150. Think about it for a second. If the actual CT only costs $150, why would you charge insurance $1,500 (a 1000% markup)? Answer: the uninsured who could not pay for CT services rendered.

Now the uninsured fall into two general classes. First are the working poor, too rich to get Gov't assistance but stuck in a job with no health insurance or underemployed. These are the people who the State Healthcare Exchanges were intended to help by providing affordable insurance plans to individuals who need them. Premiums would be subsidized by financial need and in exchange for all the new guaranteed business, health insurance companies could not deny coverage to people with pre-existing conditions.

Second, are the functionally stupid who have means and opportunity to pay for employer based health insurance but don't because they think they are young and invincible thus will never get sick and won't need insurance. These are the groups of people the Individual Mandate intended as an encouragement to take up employer offered health insurance or pay a $2,500 tax at the end of the year.

The functionally stupid are people like that hotshot motorcyclist going 120 mph down the freeway weaving in and out of traffic like an asshole. Then they flip their ride sustaining severe injuries, but with no insurance, and no ability to pay for that CT scan of his busted face. So the hospital bills his CT scan..to mine...and yours...and anyone with insurance to pay for that $1,500 CT scan.  

6. It's eating our young - In demography, a universal indicator of public health is the Infant Mortality Rate (# Infant Deaths per 1,000 live births). In countries with excellent health care, the IMR should be less than 4 out of 1,000. So where does US rank? 43rd with a IMR of 6.81 (Singapore the lowest at 1.92). Add in indicators for child health such as nutrition, obesity, and preventable diseases we rank last among Industrialized countries. So how can it be that despite having the most technically advanced healthcare system in the World, we trail Cuba in infant mortality? Unequal access to healthcare caused by unequal availability of health insurance coverage. Obamacare will now be able to fix it.

 

In a country with abundant resources, why is this happening? Source: WHO

7. And if left unchecked The Blob will completely devour our current healthcare system as we know it - Think of America's age distribution like a Python with young forming the head and tail being the old who die off. Now picture a Python that just ate a large pig where there's a giant bump in the middle. That's caused by Baby Boomers between the ages of 45 and 65 and its a ticking time bomb to our healthcare system. At every stage of their life cycle Baby Boomers consumed everything, and left nothing for later generations like affordable higher education, jobs, the concept of retirement, etc.

 

The bulge in the middle = DOOM Source: Census

And now this gluttonous horde of narcissistic, whining, self-aggrandizing ass wipes are about to reach retirement age. Oh joy. The people who destroyed the American dream are about to lay waste to our healthcare system. (Full Disclosure: If you're a Boomer reading this and find this offensive. Good!  Because I'm a Gen X'er and everytime I open my retirement statement or look at my falling home value, my hatred for you grows throughout every fiber of my Nirvana listening body).

Good luck getting a doctor's appointment in 20 years, or quickly getting a elective health procedure in a hospital without waiting for the steady march of walkers, wheelchairs, and canes to go by ahead of you. Also if you're expecting an inheritance from a Baby Boomer, forget it because over the long term health care costs will eventually erode those away as well.

Though I advise purchasing stocks in private hospitals and long-term care because think of all that profit baby! On second thought don't do that. Because if Boomers can drive up costs for real-estate and education, just wait til they get to drive up everybody's healthcare costs. And it's because of the Baby Boomers that our current healthcare system becomes unsustainable and will eventually collapse. But the Obama health care reform will be a turn in the right direction.

And in Part 2 I will explain how and why the Supreme Court just made the best decision in this country's history

It's Your Completely Unnecessary Guide To the Oscars

By Jason Neal

WARNING: The following has been satirized for your protection

First something of a disclaimer, back in college when I had something called free time and could engage my cinephile hobby. I would have seen every movie and performance on this list and could have given you complete breakdown of each category. But alas adult responsibility came along now I'm limited to occasional Netflix and anything playing on basic cable. So in full disclosure I really haven't many of the nominees, BUT that's OK. Because I suspect many of the actual Oscar voters have not either and at least I have the integrity to admit it. 

The likelihood of winning is measured in 'Jack' units or how many Jack Daniels drinks would you would need to get the swagger of Jack Nicholson before appearing on stage ranging from 0 representing just Happy To be there, to 4 meaning grab your sunglasses, smirk, and the thank you list cause your headed to the podium! The 'Jack' units will appear in the ( ) along side nominee and each category ranked most to least likely.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:

Berenice Bejo, The Artist (3.5)

Octavia Spencer, The Help (3)

Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs (2)

Jessica Chastain, The Help (1)

Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids (1)

Personally I would give it to McCarthy but since Oscar voters have zero sense of humor so rule her out. Jessica Chastain's 'chestacular' performance will get her a Mr.Skin.com nod but sadly not here. Janet McTeer got overshadowed by Glenn Close. So we're left with Spencer and Bejo. Best Supporting Actress tends to favor the breakout role and Spencer would have had it locked had it not been for the late surge of The Artist so the Oscar goes to Bejo.

FUN OSCAR FACT #1: If you want to watch an actor squirm, find one whose career happened only because they are the child of some other famous actor, and ask this question: 'So Kate Hudson (or insert your own actress) now really tell us....assuming you weren't Goldie Hawn's daughter (or insert famous parent)...which of the following would you be doing.... working at a Wal-Mart or Denny's?'

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:

Christopher Plummer, Beginners (4)

Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn (3)

Johan Hill, Moneyball (3)

Nick Nolte, Warrior (2)

Max von Sydow, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (1)

Now personally my vote would to go von Sydow to make up for the Oscar snub two decades ago with the classic beer comedy Strange Brew. Nolte is out because frankly the Academy is afraid of what a acceptance speech on LSD laced with Crystal Meth would look like. Branagh is like the Kate Winslet of male actors, great performances but always overshadowed by some one-trick pony. Comes down to Plummer and Hill and since this category always tends to go to older actors as sort of quasi lifetime achievement award, your winner is Plummer.

FUN OSCAR FACT #2: Here's a phrase, you'll never, EVER hear at the Oscars acceptance ceremony: 'Wow thanks but really I'm just some guy playing make believe. Seriously 4 year olds can do this so there's no need for all the hoopla and pageantry. I'm donating this statuette to be melted down so the proceeds from the gold given to starving children in Haiti.'

BEST ACTRESS:

Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn (3.75)

Violet Davis, The Help (3.75)

Glenn Close, Albert Notts (2.5)

Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady (2)

Rooney Mara, Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (0)

Scratch Rooney Mara since watching the rape scene in Dragon Tattoo for voters was probably like sitting through Lindsay Lohan reciting the alphabet in a sobriety checkpoint stop, painful. Glenn Close gave a great gender-bending performance but the film required voters to actually think so she strikes out again. Streep nomination too controversial since Brits take offense to an American playing a Brit better than a Brit playing a Brit, so to avoid an international incident she's out. Leaves photo finish between Davis and Williams which very similar to the choice facing George Clooney whether to have the lobster or the crack crab when dining in the South of France while entertaining some hot, 'model turned actress' girlfriend.

FUN OSCAR FACT #3: On the red carpet, keep your eye out for when someone asks Kristen Stewart 'Why do you keep giving me that awkward look?'

BEST ACTOR:

Gary Oldman, Tinker, Tailor, Solider, Spy (3.5)

Brad Pitt, Moneyball (3)

George Clooney, Descendents and because he's George fucking Clooney

Jean Desjardins, Warrior (0)

Denian Bichiri, Better Life (0)

Best actor usually is all about star power so Desjardins and Bichiri are out at the start. Now Clooney already got a statue for his performance in Gets More Ass than The Driver's Seat of a Rental Car Syriana so probably won't get a second one this year. Moneyball focuses on the Oakland A's who actually never won anything with the moneyball system so neither will Brad Pitt. Thus your winner is Gary Oldman for The Professional urr...Harry Potter urr...The Dark Knight..urr..  Tinker Tailor, something or other. Oldman basically is like the Honey Badger of Hollywood:  'The honey badger is a bad ass. He just takes what we he wants because the honey badger don't care, the honey badger don't give a s...'

FUN OSCAR FACT #4: If Pitt should win, best part of Oscar night will be the camera panning to Jennifer Aniston as she tries to hide the scorn and thinks of her next entry in her 'Burn Book'

BEST PICTURE (ranked from least to most in 'Jack' units):

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - Title also describes what its like living with a toddler, but the post 9-11 flick overloads on sentimentality. Though Oscars like sentimentality this movie had enough to give Diabetic insulin shock (0)

Tree of Life - Terrence Malick's spiritual piece undone by the fact no one knows what the hell is going on during the film. (0)

Midnight In Paris - First time in long time Woody Allen appears in category but film only seen by NYU Film students and by the .0000003% of American movie goers who actually think Woody Allen films are funny (1)

The Descendants - Alexander Payne best known as a director who can perfectly balance comedy with emotionally serious material. But it's the comedy part of the equation that rules out Payne..again... since Oscar voters are SOOO serious. (2)

The Help - The first Oscar contender where plot revolves going to the bathroom (2.5)

Moneyball - In real life being a statistician will get you a good job, but in Hollywood it doesn't get you golden prize or the hot chick (2.5)

Hugo - It's sort of like if Martin Scorsese directed a Pixar feature. Oh wait it is like Martin Scorsese directed a Pixar movie (3)

Warhorse - Two months ago I would have said this as the Best Picture, but if you're Steven Spielberg you're getting that queasy feeling that 1999 is about to happen all over again. You know where another war masterpiece Saving Private Ryan got eclipsed by a late surging indie flick Shakespeare In Love thanks to that undeserving hack Gwyneth (BLECCH) Paltrow..because now here comes....(3.5) 

The Artist - A silent movie that goes old school but wins votes because its storyline is based on something extremely rare in Hollywood these days...an original idea. Who knew? (4)

FUN BONUS: Since The Artist is a silent movie, I'm going to do an impression of the average West Virginia moviegoer's reaction to seeing it theaters:

'Hey Thelma Ray! Better move git yer beehind up and talk the manager I think something wrong 'cause the sound aint workin'. And shoot somethin wrong with the color too. It's black and white. And why they all dancin? When they gonna start blowing shit up?'

The Anti-Love Boat, Tim Tebow, and Move Over Las Vegas its Fargo!..North Dakota!

Were Going To Fargo, Baby! ....FARGO! - You may be surprised to learn that North Dakota actually has a Tourism department with the thankless job of trying to entice people to actually come to North Dakota. The dream is to have a plane full of tourists fly into Fargo which doesn't involve a emergency landing on its way to somewhere else. Below is their latest genius promotion. Look at it and let it sink in for a moment:

So let's say you are a strapping young lad with money to burn and wild oats to sow. Why waste your time in Las Vegas, Miami Beach, or New Orleans when you can go to Fargo, eh? Pretty much feel free to write your own caption below but my top favorites:

'And dude you wanted to go to Bismarck (high five)'

'So in No'rleans you throw beads to get chicks topless, so how's that work here?'

'The 4H Hokie Pokie? Were so there man!'

Who Knew...that Eli and not Peyton would be the Manning with the most Super Bowls? - With Giants' latest SB win, Eli has 2 Super Bowl rings to Peyton's 1. And to add insult to injury Eli won both over Peyton's arch-nemesis, Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. Anyone else have a feeling Thanksgiving at the Mannings could get interesting when Peyton tries to pull the big brother card?

Who Knew...that Michele Williams and not Katie Holmes would be the breakout actress from Dawson's Creek? - When we first watched Dawson's Creek we always thought that Katie's spaced out , ineffectual performance was just her character. Evidently that was basically upper limit of her acting ability.

In American politics, There Actually Are Some Things Money Can't Buy - This past month on January 18th you may have noticed Wikipedia, along with a host of other social media sites went black for a day to protest SOPA or Stop Online Piracy Act, the latest in a string of really bad ideas to come from the US Congress. Under the law, say you decided to share the latest funny moment from The Office over Facebook (yes, I know The Office jumped the shark long ago, but hypothetically speaking work with me here) In essence the Gov't could order Facebook to shut down your account and you could be fined or face jail time, because you technically stole copyrighted material and pirated it over the Internet.

The more you learn the more the flaws in the law become obviously apparent. Like how could Facebook enforce it? how could Gov't enforce it? how would anyone actually know The Office was still on TV? etc. Which is why public outcry managed to drown out the millions of dollars major entertainment companies lavished on lawmakers to try to enact SOPA. After that blackout day, majority of Congresspeople who supported it quickly backtracked and the law is about as dead as Tori Spelling's career.

In response I'd like to propose for Congress the IDIOT Act. No acronyms, just an act that says lawmakers must actually understand technology before trying to pass laws to regulate it. During the blackout, many congresspeople who sponsored were outed as having violated their proposed law on their own social media pages. Besides I don't know about you but those FBI Warnings they put at front of DVD's put the fear of God into me if I ever thought about pirating the latest crap TV show so why would we need SOPA?

Breaking Health News: Its good to have blood in your fat stream - Paula Deen, the queen of buttah, announced she has Type II Diabetes. Here's where you insert your shocked face that someone could get Diabetes from high fat, greasy, fried cooking. Of course in true American fashion she decided to capitalize on it by teaming up with Pharmaceutical company NovoNordisk to be their celebrity spokesperson for a new line of Insulin products. In business terms it's a WIN-WIN. Paula Deen's fans gets Diabetes from her recipes and then need high priced Insulin products to treat it. For all you Business students this is what they call a revenue stream.

For The Love of God - I'm sure Tim Tebow is a nice guy and his deeply held Christian convictions are sincere. But having grown up in a generation where we watched holier than thou religious leaders proclaim to be living embodiment of Jesus only to fail spectacularly (regardless of whether Evangelicals ever took notice). So it's not I'm rooting for Tebow to fail so much as waiting for the other shoe to drop.

What I teach my kids about faith is that no one is perfect, we will always have moral lapses but that's OK. It's part of the process for gradually becoming a better person because faith is lifelong process of learning about yourself in relation to God. The danger is in thinking and proclaiming that you are perfect and you alone speak for Christ. Because then you are just setting yourself up for failure since God has a way of making fools out of those people (just ask Eugene Robinson or better yet Google 'Eugene Robinson+That Super Christian football player busted for prostitution night before Super Bowl 33+that football player who gave up the game winning TD in Super Bowl 33 presumably because he was distracted from his arrest the night before')....

....Because the only universal absolute I know is this - God does not care about the outcome of football games. Or beauty pageants. Or the Country Music Awards. Or the MTV Music Video awards. Or the winner of American Idol. I'd like to think God has more focus on helping refugees in a war zone reach safety than petty little contests whose outcome is only symbolic in nature. So can we stop thinking Tebow leading the Broncos to an 8-8 record and sneaking into the playoffs was caused by the divine hand of the Almighty. It was the Broncos' defense and special teams, duh!

Karma Really Is A Bitch - According to study in the Journal of Sexual Health from The Univ. of Maryland Medical Center, as many as 50% of penis fractures seen in their ER (A moment for men to reflex in pain) were happened to men while in the act of infidelity (A moment for women to laugh hysterically). Researchers theorize men in the act of cheating may be more under pressure therefore more likely to miss or accidentally hit something hard (well harder than it). Might explain the prolonged absence of Ashton Kutcher from the set of Two And Half Men.

It Was Sort of Like The Titanic...minus the romance, iceberg, or chivarly - When the Italian cruiseliner Costa Concordia got stranded on a sandbar on to the Tuscan coast, it helped ensure that the phrase 'Italian Maritime Safety' will become the hot, new comedic punchline of the year. In engineering theory, major system failures usually do not start from one big mistake but rather from a series of small mistakes that snowball into one big 'We're Sooo F***ed' moment exemplified below:

#1 The ship deliberately went off course so one of the crew members could wave to family onshore.

#2 Being so close to shore, the ship's captain Francesco Schettino should have been manning the bridge but was instead having dinner with a hot Russian passenger presumably in the pursuit of trying to get some.

#3 In American maritime law, cruise ships cannot leave port without conducting a lifeboat drill, just in case that 1 in million chance something goes wrong does come to fruition, crew and passengers know what to do. The Costa Concordia never had such drill because the crew apparently had other more important things to do like trying to score with hot Russian passengers.

#4 Without this instruction, the scene on-board after hitting the sandbar resembled one big Cluster F*** since no one knew where to evacuate safely. The crew having never been properly trained abided by the old maritime tradition of women and children first...it was every man for himself leaving stranded passengers to swim for shore on their own.

#5 Capt.Schettino gallantly stayed on-board til every passenger was safe...actually jumped in the first lifeboat and high-tailed it to shore. Leaving the Italian Coast Guard to have to run rescue procedures on-board.

#6 Someone forgot to put Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On' in the CD player to add the ambiance of the scene.

When politics becomes Cancerous - If you think about it cancer is the ultimate equal opportunist. It does not care if you are rich or poor,  it does not care if you are Liberal or Conservative, it does not care for which race you are or ethnicity you come from, it does not care for gender, geography, age, or religion. It also doesn't care if you have health insurance which is why it was disheartening to see The Susan B. Komen Foundation undo 20 years of goodwill with one bad mistake.

Last week Komen tried cutting off Planned Parenthood with funds to provide breast cancer screenings for low income women, it ultimately was revealed the reason were its Pro-Life Board members did not like that PP provides abortions. Technically as a man I should not care about the abortion debate but this exemplifies why I have such disdain for the Pro-Life movement. They place an almost cult-like stature to the human fetus, and the fact they were willing to sacrifice lives of grown human beings in the name of protecting a fetus regardless of the circumstances surrounding an abortion reveals a distorted pathology.

Now being Pro-Choice, I consider it sad when abortion occurs since so many couples who desperately want a child and can't have one would gladly adopt one. But every situation different so who can really judge except a woman and her doctor. A logical solution to reducing abortion seems to me is to reduce unwanted pregnancies but that's where the Pro-Life folks get really weird. They also tend to be anti-contraception and anti-sex education, which for me explains what they are really about. The Pro-Life movement has never been comfortable with women taking control of their sexuality and reproduction which makes Planned Parenthood for them the ultimate evil. Never mind only 3% of PP involve abortion with rest focused on giving uninsured women access to reproductive health care.

Oh And One Other Thing About Komen... - College students taking Public Relations 101 in the future will study from the Komen-Planned Parenthood fiasco that bad PR can grow exponentially in the age of the internet. Tax returns showed that Komen annually only gave 25% of its charitable proceeds to actual research in combating breast cancer with rest going to Administrative and Marketing costs. Really?

I'm not a non-profit guru but seems like that number should be reversed. Every October I gave money to Komen and wore pink to show support because with a wife and two daughters breast cancer may one day affect me. But if only a quarter of every dollar is going towards fighting breast cancer then why am I donating? Komen says the marketing portion was about raising awareness but breasts tend to raise awareness all by themselves, since women already have them and men like to look at them. Until Komen gets its shit together I won't be giving a dime.

The Proust Questionnaire (Shamelessly Stolen from Vanity Fair)

by Jason Neal

I'll never be famous or important enough to be asked by Vanity Fair to fill out their iconic Proust questionnaire. But doesen't mean I can't try:



What is your idea of perfect happiness: Sitting on a beach in Aruba with my wife and a bucket of Heineken


What is your greatest fear: Leaving for work one morning and never being able to come back home to my family like the victims in the World Trade Center.

What historical figure do you most identify with: Sir Winston Churchill


What trait do you most deplore in yourself: Timidity


What trait do you most deplore in Others: Arrogance


What is your greatest extravagance: Enjoying a good beer while smoking a cigar


What is your favorite journey: Back roads of Arizona


What do you consider the most overrated virtue: Piousness


Which living person do you most admire: Aung San Suu Kyi, Burmese Democratic Opposition Leader


Which living person do you most despise: Charles & David Koch, CEO's of Koch Industries and any 'Koch'sucker politician who takes their money.


On what occasion do you lie: Spare someones feelings or prevent a bad decision


What do you dislike about your appearance: When you have cleft lip its pretty obvious


Which words or phrases do you most overuse: I'll get to it later


What is your biggest regret: Not keeping in touch with friends from childhood


When and where are you most happiest: Quality time with family where all four of us are in a sublimely happy state which the outside world cannot interrupt.


Which talent would you most like to have: Comedic timing


What is current state of mind: Rushed bordering on edgy


If could change one thing about self what would it be: Normal looking upper lip


If could change about family what would it be: Parents both still alive


If you come back as anything, what would it be: A ghost in the White House


What is most treasured possession: Wedding bands from parents and grandparents


What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery: Being in a work meeting that has nothing to do with you on a busy day knowing its an hour of your life that you will, never, ever get back.


Where would you like to live: St.Ives, Cornwall in England


What is your favorite occupation: Social Worker


What quality you most like in a man: Integrity


What quality you most like in a woman: Humor


What do you most value in friends: Honesty


Who are your favorite authors: Irvine Welsh, Nick Hornby, Ken Kesey


What favorite hero of fiction: Atticus Finch


What favorite hero of real life: Morris Dees, Civil Rights lawyer, founder of the Southern Poverty Law Center and modern day Atticus Finch


What is it that you most dislike: The moneyed, corporate interests that have far too much influence in our political system.


How would you like to die: Peacefully, painlessly on a Cornish beach


What is your motto: 'Onward and Upward, Always'


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