Craiglist phases out pimping: Call it another classic example of a profession being phased out by technology. According Dept. of Justice study, pimps are becoming few and far between thanks to Craigslist which allows the Hooker and the John to arrange services directly, therefore cutting out the middle man.
How Miley Cyrus explains Gov't Deficit Spending: There is indeed a 'Party in the USA' but right now that party is being financed by China and how soon until they get tired of watching someone else drink their beer? The current proposed budget is uhh shall we say debt heavy calling for $2 Trillion dollars above what the US can raise in tax revenue. So why is this a problem? Nothing unless our foreign creditors decide to call in the debt and we essentially become like Argentina in the 80's or Greece right now minus the salsa dancing and babes in bikinis.
Joan Rivers denied boarding a plane in Newark Airport...: Because thanks to plastic surgery she no longer resembles Joan Rivers on her picture ID. There is indeed a thing called too much when talking about plastic surgery, so when your face resembles mannequin rather than a human being it's time to stop.
Royal Caribbean - never let tragedy stand in the way of a good time: Cruise liner Royal Caribbean came under fire for docking in Labadee, Haiti just 2 days after the devastating earthquake pratically destroyed the country. I'll have to call inappropriate here since you really should let the bodies get cold before ordering a Tequila Sunrise out of respect you know.
NBC (Not Broadcasting Correctly): At the beginning of 2009 NBC had a choice to make in it's The Tonight Show lineup, either let Jay Leno 'retire' and bring in Conan O'Brien or let Jay Leno keep the show and let O'Brian walk away for $20 million. It tried to have both it ways and worked so well that in nine short months resulted in the 'biggest television programming debacle ever' which even considering Tori Spelling's career is saying something. So to bring Leno back at 11:35pm now costs you paying out O'Brain $35 million along with Dave Letterman now tops in the ratings. Glad that was worth it.
More NBC Fail - The Olympic Edition: Not sure if 'super-genius NBC Sports Exec Dick Ebersol'(trademark) has ever heard of a thing called the internet, but his 1976 broadcast model of tape delaying everything for prime time has managed to kill both ratings and profitability. Thanks to the World Wide Web we know if Lindsay Vonn won downhill gold roughly..oh say..10 seconds after crossing the finish line, so why exactly should I wait 8 hours later to see if she won? Also not helping are the 40 minute to 20 minute ratio of commercials to actual sports coverage. But then again Ebersol like the rest of NBC brain trust occupy that Ivory tower of sheer genius so who am I to criticize.
Bill Romanowski gives us a little TMI: Making the rounds on interviews former Linebacker, thug, and all around bad guy admitted that he was so obsessed with his playing weight that he would actually weigh his own feces daily. And I thought no one wanted to shake his hand because they thought he was an asshole.
Proof this has been the winter from hell: This year the Philly region where we live has had 70 inches of snow and counting. Compare that to the average snowfall of some other snowy locales:
Toronto 52 inches
Fargo, Noth Dakota 38 inches
Minneapolis 50 inches
Chicago 43 inches
New Jersey folds on Gay Marriage: Anyone hoping for gay marriage in the Garden State may have to wait a few years after the State Senate refused to take up a gay marriage law since their still afraid of the Catholic Church..urr..I mean we already have Civil Unions. Of course gay marriage advocates could always slip Senators some cash in unmarked envelopes Tony Soprano style then pretty much anything will fly in this state.
Also for anyone keeping track -
States that allow gay marriage = 5
States allow marriage among first cousins = 24
Utah considering cancelling 12th Grade: In an effort to save money Utah legislators in a race with Texas to create the dumbest state in the country have proposed cancelling off the Senior year of high school. Offical reason probably sounded like this "Dem kids dont need no edumacation, and all dat readin and riting and shit. Cause last we thing we need dem folks goin off and thinkin'.
Healthcare Reform goes from 'Yes We Can' to 'Well maybe not': The phrase 'Money Talks, and Bullshit Walks' took on new meaning thanks to a $3 Billion dollar lobbying effort by the Health Insurance industry who managed to derail HCR even though majority of Americans say we need it. Not that it was hard seeing as most Senators and Congresspeople have spines made of jello and aided by special interest cash to prevent them from having any courage or conviction to handle this country's enormous problems. Biggest mistake the Obama admin made was leaving it to 100 wealthy Senators who have lifetime guaranteed health insurance to try to solve healthcare for the rest of us common folk.
Obama one year later - Plenty of Hope but lacking audacity: If I'm Obama right now watching my approval sink under 50% as my agenda stalls in an incompetant Congress. Ask yourself this question: WWLBJD as in What Would Lyndon B. Johnson Do? To bring about this 'change' you spoke of during the election means going up against very powerful, very rich, entrenched corporate interests hellbent on keeping the status quo. So who better to provide guidance than our 36th President LBJ.
To be sure Johnson was not exactly Mr.Warmth and there is that small issue of Vietnam but no one in recent history knew how to wield Presidential power more effectively to get things done than my boy. He single-handedly managed to pass two of the important pieces of legislation in latter half of the 20th Century, The Civil Rights Act and the Medicare/Medicaid Act. Plus, Johnson accomplished this not by being all 'Hope and Change' but by privately humiliating people, publically kneecapping wayward Congressmen, or if all else failed completely steamroll people who got in the way. That sir is called audacity
FUN BONUS LBJ FACT: During the '64 election when Johnson pulled over to pee on the side of the road, he got so annoyed by the Secret Service who surrounded him just 2 feet away that he started urinating on one of the agents. When one of them complained 'Mr.President you're peeing on me', Johnson replied 'I know, it's my perogative'.
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My prerogative, gotta be a Bobby Brown joke in there somewhere. I'm a little disappointed. Maybe something about whipping congress like he whipped Whitney and then peed on secret service because it is "my prerogative"
ReplyDeleteOr maybe I should just let you do all the comedy writing.