Fall
means back to school time and one of the early homework assignments as
a kid was usually 'What I Did and Learned Over the summer' Well here's
what I learned this summer:
NBC still has not figured out how to broadcast the Olympics
- NBC taped delayed all the notable Olympic coverage even though most
people already knew the outcomes. NBC defended its prime-time
coverage because of some concept they called 'plausible reality'. (If that isn't
inflated new age, Marketing bullshit I don't what is) where the tape
delay seems live thanks to clever editing, 'looks live' feel. You know
what else creates a 'plausible reality'? Something called 'the
Internet' wherein people find out whether Michael Phelps won a mere 10
hours before NBC decides to even acknowledge it happened.
Mikala Maroney when asked about NBC's coverage
That business model would have worked in say 1980 before the advent
of ESPN where sports was relegated to a 3-minute segment on the 11:00
news and otherwise you had to wait til the morning newspaper Sports
section. A time when information traveled about as fast as the speed
of a rotary phone. Now not so much, thus Bob Costas can stop with that
smug look on his face as he tries to tease us into watching a sporting
result where we already know the result. Seeing as NBC have exclusive
Olympic coverage until 2024 they have 12 more years to get it right.
FUN BONUS FACT #1!: If anyone tells you they
watched the 1980 US Men's hockey team upset the Soviets live they are
either lying or misremembering. The game was actually played 3:00 that
afternoon and tape delayed for later that evening so unless you were in
the arena you did not see it live. Americans didn't really find out
about it until the 6:00 news. What they watched was a tape delay that
evening and reacting to something that happened five hours earlier.
Roone Arledge, former ABC Sports President and godfather of modern
Sports broadcasting including inventing Monday Night Football called
that decision one of the dumbest moves he ever made as producer. Of
course no surprise to find NBC has not learned the pitfalls of tape
delay seeing this is the same network which in the 90's gave up
exclusive rights for NFL football opting for...Notre Dame football.
How'd that work out?
If You're worried about the impending Post-antibiotic apocalypse (or are a Porn Star), now might the time to say 'Ruh-Roh'
- According to the Centers for Disease Control we are down to one
functioning antibiotic to treat Gonorrhea. For years public health
people have complained Pharma was spending too much time on lifestyle drugs
and not the ones that matter. We may find out too soon they were
right.
'Literally' is literally the worst adverb - If ever
looking for the fastest way to ever piss off a Linguist, writer, or
English teacher, blogger Sarah Miller at the theawl.com suggests
misusing the word literally. What's the difference between these two
sentences:
1.We sat on the tarmac for an hour waiting to take off
2.We literally sat on the tarmac for an hour waiting to take off
The latter suggests you are either lying, embellishing, or being
overly dramatic in your story along with being redundant. If your plane
was delayed an hour because sitting on a runway, you really do not need
to literally inject 'literally' into the description. My alternative
to using literally to denote something really happened is 'Hey Man this
ain't no bullshit'
Speaking of being overly dramatic, introducing America's newest affliction
- Have you ever been out shopping and come across someone who appears
to be having a animated conversation with a cell phone. Sort along the
lines 'Oh my God,Christie they do not my shoe size!. And now my whole
weekend plans are RUINED! (followed by uncontrollable sobbing)
They may have come down with Reality TV derangement syndrome. A
psychological disorder characterized when individual thinks they are the
star of their own reality TV show. Symptoms include the need to
perform in public places, by taking a mundane task or problem and
blowing it up into some epic crisis where they share the drama to
anyone within the immediate vicinity.
Though the American Psychiatric Association rejects my claim
insisting this is mere narcissism right before they hung up on me (rude
bastards). I propose to name this affliction Kardashianism and will be
expecting my Nobel Prize in the mail any day now. Recommended treatment
option is The Reverse Shakespeare: Insist that all the world is not
really a stage, and nor should all the men and women merely just be
players in it.
Now That's What We Call Music? - The ubiquitous
selling, biannual, CD series 'Now That's What I Call Music' featuring
all the best in soulless, vapid, cookie cutter Top 40 throwaway songs
became the World's biggest selling music series ever. Yes I said
World's biggest. When asked for the secret of success, Industry
insiders noted the advent in audio technology that allowed large,
smoking piles of crap to be encased on a compact disk. As you ponder
this factoid, keep in mind right now music execs are wondering aloud
without the slightest hint of irony why no one buys full length CD's
anymore. Signified by former A-list singers Britney Spears, Mariah
Carey, and Adam Levine reduced to judging karaoke shows.
MySpace hit a new low (wait you mean there still isn't a floor?)
- Lily Allen, who along with Adele, and Justin Bieber were discovered
on the social media site admitted on Twitter she had forgot her
password to MySpace and hadn't logged on in over a year.
The end of Western Civilization is now upon us - A show called The Adventures of Honey Boo Boo premiered.
Jeff Foxworthy's jokes practically write themselves
- 'If you're idea of upholding Christian ideals of social justice is a
eating greasy chicken sandwich from a homophobic fast food chain. You
might be a redneck'
In response to criticism of Chick Fil'A anti-gay stance, thousands
of Christians flocked to donate time and money at food pantries and
homeless shelters get chicken sandwiches because
that's how Jesus would of wanted it...according to Mike Huckabee. But
have Huckabee or any other fire-and brimstone Baptist preachers ever
wondered if it was sort odd Jesus never uttered a word about
homosexuality. Even more peculiar, he was Jerusalem's most eligible
bachelor, yet eshewed the ladies to always hang out with 12 dudes. Not
implying anything. just sayin.
The only biblical evidence may have favored heterosexual marriage
was the passage found John 3:69 'Upon seeing Mary Magdaline, Jesus said
'Hey Girl, really digging that frock'
Clint Eastwood spoke to an empty chair and in the process revealed the deep psyche of the modern Republican Party
- In the moment that probably set Mitt Romney's Presidential hopes spiraling down in flames, Eastwood projected from an empty chair a
vulgar, thuggish Obama who reacts crassly to criticism to his record at
the Republican Nat'l Convention. I've never met Obama but I'm pretty
sure vulgar and angry he is not. And Eastwood isn't the
only conservative whose perception of Obama just does not jive with
reality. Over the past four years Obama has been labeled everything by
conservatives from a Kenyan Socialist, to a fascist tyrant, to the
Anti-Christ.
The next great internet meme: Eastwooding
In reality I would not even call Obama a liberal but more of a
Clintonite centrist or even a Blue Dog Democrat (moderate
conservative). So why all the vitriol? For years demographers have been
forecasting whites will be minority in the US by 2050. Like geology,
changes in demographics often occur slowly, unseen, and often
unnoticed until revealed in a sudden, Earth changing event. The election
of Obama in 2008 was akin to a demographic earthquake where older,
white Americans suddenly realized they aren't in charge anymore.
This op-ed piece from Broward County Sun Sentinel Journal lays it out perfectly:
The GOP today is largely a party of rabid, old, white men in the
unhappy dusk of their lives, railing against a nation in which they are
no longer the dominant players. It is sad to watch — and sadder to be
one of them. You can smell the mothballs of their memories and
memorabilia (hats and banners resurrected for the convention), read the
rage in their eyes.
And finally, you could see it in every picture of the Tampa
convention, especially contrasted with those from the Democrats: The
undeniable truth is that the Republican Party is on the wrong side of
demographics, which means it's on the wrong side of history. Tragically
for our political system, which depends on a vigorous, healthy
two-party system, it has chosen to assume the role of permanent
obstructionist, ignoring the inevitable changes in population diversity
that will eventually bury it.
This man was going to be the next Senator from Missouri, until he verbally diarrhea'd all over himself -
During a low-stakes TV interview with a St.Louis station, Senate
candidate Todd Akin casually floated his thoughts about women and rape.
Namely that women could not get pregnant from 'legitimate rape'
because the female body has the ability to identify 'hostile' sperm and
shut down its baby making process. Thus its okay to ban abortion in
instances including rape.
Before searching for that theory on Google, don't bother because no
reputable doctor has ever given credence to that idea. Akin has about
as much credibility on female anatomy as I have, which is zero. Of
course condemnation came far and wide with even GOP demanding he drop
out of the race. He refused and now essentially turned a guaranteed GOP
Senate pick-up into a probable loss. But one thing needs to be cleared
up, what Akin said was not a gaffe which implies a flub of the English
language or saying something you didn't mean. Akin said what he truly
believes, and the real reason he's been scorned by the GOP establishment
is he said something publicly what was only to be mentioned in
private. You know so as not to scare off moderate voters.
One has to feel that Texas Republican Sen.Jon Cornyn who in charge
of running the Senate campaign strategy could probably use a drink....or
three. Akin represents another in a growing line of Religious Right
loons whose extreme views have cost the GOP winnable elections and
control of the US Senate. Akin was leading Democrat Sen.Claire McCaskill
by nine points, but is now trailing by three and counting.
And speaking of extreme Religious Right loons here's a hot new conspiracy theory: Staunch Anti-Abortion Activists are motivated by white supremacy -
Now I have no proof of this but I have noticed those on the far-right
have been using a very curious term called a 'Demographic Winter'.
In a strict academic sense this term is when the annual number of
births falls below the number of deaths for a country or region leading
to natural population decline. However when used by Far Right-Wing
organizations like NOM (Nat'l Organization for Marriage) and the
American Family Association it takes on a more subtextual meaning. The
US Census Bureau noted 2011 was a milestone as it was the first year
that number of births for non-white babies surpassed that of white
babies. Thus 'demographic winter' can be translated as 'not enough white
babies are being born' giving plausible explanation for the fervant
opposition to abortion especially among white mothers. Also explaining
opposition to gay marriage since why waste two decent white gay guys when they should be marrying
white women and having children, not raving to Lady Gaga
Obviously there is no corroborating evidence but next time you hear
that phrase used by someone whose not a demographer. Try prodding their
views on race, because what they say might absolutely frighten you.
Something funny happened during Microsoft's path to World domination
- What if I told you in terms of technology there could have been an
entirely alternate history from the one we know now. From Kurt
Eichenwald in Vanity Fair a list of would've, could've,
should'ves involving Microsoft:
- In 1998 developed an electronic reader which featured first ever
Touch Screen technology....10 years ahead of Amazon Kindle and Apple
iPad
- In 2003 developed an idea to post statuses or updates for MSN
messenger and see what friends were up to...3 years ahead of Facebook or
Twitter
- In 2005 developed a smart phone type device with ability to add and
create cool little apps like play music, snap pictures or browse the
web...3 years ahead of the iPhone
So how come none of this ever came to bear? All of these ideas came
from junior developers but were killed by stifling corporate
bureaucracy, obsession with stock price, and managerial arrogance.
Industries relying of creativity and inventiveness should not model
corporate atmosphere after those of an accounting firm. The lesson of
Microsoft is that companies still abiding by old 20th Century rules of
business management are doomed to fail in the 21st Century.
FUN BONUS FACT #2! - When Microsoft CEO Steve
Ballmer eventually gets fired 'resigns to spend more
time with his family' he can at least take heart in knowing he was not
the biggest mistake in business history. That honor goes to IBM who in
1959 told two budding inventors that their new 'xerography' machine
which made dry copies of existing documents would only have a sales
potential of at most 6,000 units. Those two inventors would later found
a little known company called Xerox and that machine today would
colloquially be called a 'Xerox machine'.
And Microsoft would not be existence if not for IBM. In 1983 Bill
Gates showed IBM's executives a new potential operating system to run
their computers called 'Windows' facilitated by a device called the
'mouse' to enable a concept called 'point and click' navigation. Not
only were IBM executives unimpressed but made perhaps the single most
incorrect prediction in history: 'Nobody's going to want a computer in
their home'
We're now living in the era of 'Big Data' - George
Orwell in the book 1984 once mythologized Big Brother, an all knowing,
all-seeing apparatus which controlled the population. Today we have Big
Data used by government and corporations and may now know more about
you than know about you. Everytime you use your credit card, send
something on your cellphone, browse something online; data about that
event is being collected, analyzed, and modeled to predict or possibly
control future behavior. An example are those loyalty cards grocery
stores or other chains use. The reason companies willingly give
discounts for using them is because consumers are giving them in return
something far more valuable: data and information about their
purchasing habits.
Here's how powerful data mining can be. Target in 2010 developed an
algorithm to predict when female customers were one to three months
pregnant, by noticing they started stockpiling a particular combination
of 25 items (ie: baby lotion, cotton balls, diapers, and baby towels
all together in one purchase). The goal was to send out baby coupons to
these customers who met this algorithm and get a jump ahead of Babies R
Us by luring them in for bigger items later on like cribs, toys, etc.
So they test run this strategy sending out a circulars with maternity
items. Later that week a middle-aged man walks into Minneapolis, MN
store fuming mad that they sent his 16 year old daughter maternity
stuff and demanded an apology. The next day a manager calls to
follow-up except this time the man is apologetic. Turns out his
daughter actually was pregnant.
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