Twitter validates the existence of Public Relations Reps – With the advent of Twitter the time and distance between a celebrity saying something really stupid and career ruin is milliseconds. Twenty four hours after the tragic tsunami in Japan. Gilbert Gottfried tweeted ‘The Japanese are so rich, they can have the shoreline come to them’ which the following day led to him losing his endorsement deal for Aflac and just about any entertainment job in the next few months. This is truly a gilded age for PR reps who probably have their Blackberry physically implanted in their ear now. Handling celebrities in this new era of social networking is probably like riding in the passenger seat of a sports car being driven by Gary Busey.
Libya: The revolution will be televised – Not sure if the airstrikes over Libya are wise decision but I do feel that the benefit to Qaddafi being toppled is the Libyan people having a leader who will be much better dressed. Qaddafi pretty much ruled like he dressed, as a truly hot mess. His style could best be described as Laurence of Arabia meets Liberace.
Never underestimate the power of stupidity following a Natural Disaster Part 1 – During the US-Argentina soccer match at the Meadowlands in New Jersey. Someone yelled ‘Konitchiwa bitches!’ during a moment of silence for victims of the Japanese earthquake, and tsunami. I believe there was a time when it was acceptable, even encouraged to drag idiots out into the street and beat them until they were able to think straight.
Never underestimate the power of stupidity following a Natural Disaster Part 2 – A week after the tsunami wiped away whole towns in Japan, the House of Representatives in their proposed budget voted to cutting funds for the US Tsunami Early Warning System. I believe there was a time when the people in Congress represented the best and brightest this country had to offer as willful ignorance was not considered a enviable character trait.
Fun Party Game – Guess which of the two situations the following statement is most likely to be heard: ‘Turn it off! Turn It Off!... God please make it stop!’ Is it someone in the basement of an S&M chamber or someone listening to Kim Kardashian's new single?
The kids actually are alright – Over the past 2 years the US teen pregnancy rate has dropped and researchers actually credited the MTV white trash-sploitation series '16 and Pregnant'. Who knew that kids watching bad role models on TV would persuade them to do the opposite and make good life choices? One can only hope that 'The Jersey Shore' will lead to a surge in literacy and college graduation rates.
The Most Pathetic Sex Scandal Ever – Congressman Chris Lee from New York was forced to resign after being caught soliciting women via Craigslist for sex. (Fun Bonus fact: he was later discovered trolling around the transsexual escort section). If you are going busted for an extra-marital affair at least make it worth your while and actually have sex. If your career is going to be destroyed by a cellphone pic at least go out in a blaze of glory with a picture of you snorting coke off a hooker’s ass or something. On the Eliot Spitzer scale of politician horndoggery this ranks a big fat 0.
Best Moment of Unintended Hilarity Nominee, Part 1 – In Fort Wayne, Indiana a proposal to build a statue honoring a former mayor had to be shelved, not because noted mayor ever did anything wrong. But because noted mayor’s name was Harry Baals, and apparently the city hall got tired of being asked if the statue had a pair of big brass ones or it enjoyed giving a Roman Soldier helmet.
Best Moment of Unintended Hilarity Nominee, Part 2 – The Utah state legislature elicited all sorts of childish pointing and giggling when at a press conference announced The Dutch Oven had been voted as official state appliance. The joke was lost on lawmakers until a few of them went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner and a waiter explained why they might want to avoid the refried beans.
How ‘The Bachelor’ validates the existence of gay marriage – A feminist friend once argued that a show like The Bachelor does more to hurt women than porn ever will. Mainly because it makes women seem like the only way to validate their lives if they have some handsome, rich tool marry them. I’ll add to that in saying if heterosexual marriage is now exemplified by a game show where 16 women whore themselves out to some dolt who won the genetic lottery all for a diamond ring. Then why can’t gays and lesbians marry?
Top 10 Things that make John Boehner Cry – Well its official, men can cry in public without scorn as evidenced by Speaker of the House of Representatives John Boehner’s frequent sobbing. Here is a definitive list that will guarantee the waterworks from the distinguished gentleman from Ohio:
1.The sound of little children at play
2.Kittens
3.Freshly cut grass on a golf course when Spring is in bloom and sun is shining and the clubhouse tab picked up by someone else
4.The clinking sound ice makes when put into glass followed by the pouring of Scotch after a hard day of “doin’ the people’s business” at the private Congressional lounge.
5.Savoring the aroma from unwrapping a new pack of Marlboro Lights
6.The view from a private jet en route to a corporate sponsored junket in Hawaii
7.The peace and quiet that follows a meeting with Newt Gingrich
8.The tragedy of when a Fortune 500 company can’t utilize loopholes in the corporate tax code to avoid taxes on mega profits
9.The emptiness felt when looking at the corner of his office where his tanning machine would normally be but is in the repair shop.
10.That crisp smell of pen ink emanating off a freshly written tobacco lobby check which takes him back to the first time he realized being Speaker means you don’t have to ask for money. The money comes asking for you.
