'May You Always Live In Interesting Times' - Old Irish proverb
This summer of 2011 has been interesting indeed. A look back shall we.
When Canadians Attack - Actual time and money were spent by the Canadian Gov't to study the causes of the Vancouver riots after their team's loss in the Stanley Cup Finals. There conclusion literally boiled down to one sentence: "There were too many people and they were too drunk."
(Not everyone was bummed by the Canucks loss)
(Prime Minister David Cameron: No really everything will be fine. Please remain calm. All is Well)
This summer of 2011 has been interesting indeed. A look back shall we.
When Canadians Attack - Actual time and money were spent by the Canadian Gov't to study the causes of the Vancouver riots after their team's loss in the Stanley Cup Finals. There conclusion literally boiled down to one sentence: "There were too many people and they were too drunk."
(Not everyone was bummed by the Canucks loss)
One thing is certain. Canadians are probably the most polite rioters you'll ever find. 'Excuse me sir would you mind stepping out of the car? We would not want you to get injured while we overturn and burn it, eh'
The English Did Too - London suffered its worst rioting since Arthur Treacher's prematurely ran out of Fish N Chips one time during the 80's. Though unlike Canadians who just like to drink and riot, there may have been something more substantive causing these riots coming in the form of economic inequality and high youth unemployment. Which is why American leaders might want to take note because those two ingredients are in plentiful supply over here. While highly unlikely, one extended cable television outage or finding out American idol is rigged could change all that.
The English Did Too - London suffered its worst rioting since Arthur Treacher's prematurely ran out of Fish N Chips one time during the 80's. Though unlike Canadians who just like to drink and riot, there may have been something more substantive causing these riots coming in the form of economic inequality and high youth unemployment. Which is why American leaders might want to take note because those two ingredients are in plentiful supply over here. While highly unlikely, one extended cable television outage or finding out American idol is rigged could change all that.
(Prime Minister David Cameron: No really everything will be fine. Please remain calm. All is Well)
But Jobs May Have To Wait since The Tea Party decided hold the nation's economy hostage -Congressional teabaggers proved they really are nuts when they nearly caused Worldwide economic meltdown by refusing to raise the debt ceiling unless they get drastic spending cuts. Apparently they slept in during economics class in college when the professor explained austerity rarely does anything to improve the economy let alone create jobs. And the Wall Street Billionaires who bankrolled the Tea Party are probably reconsidering that experiment after the Stock Exchange continues to its downward decline since the full faith and credit of the US is no longer guaranteed thanks to a couple of wing nuts.
Obama, Total Loser? - Since Obama settled the debt ceiling issue by doing what he does best which is capitulate to GOP's demands making supporters wondering if really elected the second coming of Jimmy Carter. A lot of people who voted for him wonder at what point does he start fighting back against the Far Right. Therefore conventional wisdom which is all our fearless media really has to offer assumes Obama is perceived as weak therefore toast in 2012.
Obama, Zen Master? - Which is why the pajama pants punditry may be wrong as they usually are about most things. By letting the GOP hold the nation's economy hostage over the debt ceiling, Obama made them look absolutely batshit insane to the average voter. Richard Nixon once said that the key to winning an Federal election as a Republican was 'Run like hell to the right in the primaries, then run like hell to the center during the general election.' Combined with the Republicans behavior in Congress, the GOP Presidential field have run so far to the right they may have just driven any hope of winning 2012 off a cliff, let alone trying to make a left turn back to the main road. As master blogger Andrew Sullivan notes: 'Obama's core strength as a politician is getting his opposition to destroy itself.'
There is one idea that could regenerate jobs - Rearrange the corporate tax code so companies that keep good, high paying manufacturing jobs here pay no taxes while those who send jobs overseas but retain corporate offices Stateside get the full 30+% tax rate on profits.
Currently most of Apple's fancy little gadgets are made by cheap labor overseas, so they can make a 66% profit margin. Now if same production were done in the US, the profit margin would shrink to a measely 50%. The stumper here is why a 16% higher profit margin still can't buy Steve Jobs a better wardrobe beyond his omnipresent black shirt?
So what would it take for Apple to move production to America? Try tariffs on Apple's bottom line for every device shipped to the US from their overseas plant, while Apple's competitors who produce in the US would pay $0. Then Steve Jobs could create a new app for himself called iShouldProbablyRethinkMyBusinessModel.
Libya Gained Freedom and a Better Fashion Sense - The Arab Spring continued to roll along as Muammar (he actually liked to be called Larry) Gaddafi was ousted from power. In addition to a renewed hope for democracy, Libyans will undoutedly be getting a leader with a lot more style. Gaddafi dressed like he ruled, as a hot mess. He looked like Laurence of Arabia raided Elton John's closet.I mean when your despotic Head of State for an oil rich, vaguely terror supporting country you have to look like you at least put some thought into your wardrobe.
(Does this say fear my rule to you?)
Obama, Total Loser? - Since Obama settled the debt ceiling issue by doing what he does best which is capitulate to GOP's demands making supporters wondering if really elected the second coming of Jimmy Carter. A lot of people who voted for him wonder at what point does he start fighting back against the Far Right. Therefore conventional wisdom which is all our fearless media really has to offer assumes Obama is perceived as weak therefore toast in 2012.
Obama, Zen Master? - Which is why the pajama pants punditry may be wrong as they usually are about most things. By letting the GOP hold the nation's economy hostage over the debt ceiling, Obama made them look absolutely batshit insane to the average voter. Richard Nixon once said that the key to winning an Federal election as a Republican was 'Run like hell to the right in the primaries, then run like hell to the center during the general election.' Combined with the Republicans behavior in Congress, the GOP Presidential field have run so far to the right they may have just driven any hope of winning 2012 off a cliff, let alone trying to make a left turn back to the main road. As master blogger Andrew Sullivan notes: 'Obama's core strength as a politician is getting his opposition to destroy itself.'
There is one idea that could regenerate jobs - Rearrange the corporate tax code so companies that keep good, high paying manufacturing jobs here pay no taxes while those who send jobs overseas but retain corporate offices Stateside get the full 30+% tax rate on profits.
Currently most of Apple's fancy little gadgets are made by cheap labor overseas, so they can make a 66% profit margin. Now if same production were done in the US, the profit margin would shrink to a measely 50%. The stumper here is why a 16% higher profit margin still can't buy Steve Jobs a better wardrobe beyond his omnipresent black shirt?
So what would it take for Apple to move production to America? Try tariffs on Apple's bottom line for every device shipped to the US from their overseas plant, while Apple's competitors who produce in the US would pay $0. Then Steve Jobs could create a new app for himself called iShouldProbablyRethinkMyBusinessModel.
Libya Gained Freedom and a Better Fashion Sense - The Arab Spring continued to roll along as Muammar (he actually liked to be called Larry) Gaddafi was ousted from power. In addition to a renewed hope for democracy, Libyans will undoutedly be getting a leader with a lot more style. Gaddafi dressed like he ruled, as a hot mess. He looked like Laurence of Arabia raided Elton John's closet.I mean when your despotic Head of State for an oil rich, vaguely terror supporting country you have to look like you at least put some thought into your wardrobe.
(Does this say fear my rule to you?)Syria Though Only Has A Better Fashion Sense - In what might be the most tone-deaf, ill-timed, and possibly inappropriate magazine articles ever written. Vogue magazine featured a fashion spread and 3,000 glowing article about Asma Al-Assad. The wife of Bashar Al-Assad who is President of Syria and spent his Summer violently suppressing dissent in his country. This includes the torture, rape, and murder of a 12 year old son of a political dissident along with bombing unarmed civilians from planes that earned Al-Assad War Crimes charges by The UN Human Rights Tribunal. It says something when even Iran thinks you've gone too far, but to the editors of Vogue I guess it's all good as long as you look good doing it.
You Remember When We Were All Supposed To Die in May? - We all got a chcukle when the we were suppose to die on May 22nd, and nothing happened. There were a couple of serious consequences such as a few attempted suicides, a woman trying to drown her kids before the rapture, and retirees giving away their life savings to spread the message. I sort of felt sorry for those elderly true believers who basically got suckered, until I realized the main reason for doomsday prophesy was that gay marriage was now legal. Then I thought, 'Ah screw em. Serves them right for being that stupid'
You Remember all Those Warnings About Impact of Global Warming? - And a large segment of our population who don't believe in science along with all oil company executives sort of chuckled. But here's the funny part, this summer showed the ill effects from climate change might have already started. I always thought 'Global Weirding' was more appropriate term than 'Global Warming' because the changing environment was going to cause a lot of weird things to happen and our weather is starting to get wierd. Compare the predictions with what's actually been happening:
1.The interior of the US will become very hot and very dry - See Texas having over 100 days without rain and record high tempratures this Summer causing even camels in the Dallas Zoo to say 'fuck it's hot!'. And this part of much larger pattern of dry summers for Southwest over past few years.
2.There will be unbalanced distribution of rainfall across the US as some areas get drier, others get wetter - See New Jersey having over 30 inches of rain in August alone, when our yearly average is...42. At this rate a rainforest will sprouting up in our backyard and Newark will become the new Seattle
3.There will be more frequent and deadlier storms accross the country - See the tornadoes in Joplin, Missouri and Tuscaloosa, Alabama
4.The warming Ocean temprature will cause more frequent hurricanes - See Northeast US. One of the complaints about the Maryland, Delaware, and Jersey shores was the cold water did not make for good swimming. But it also served as a saving grace against hurricanes since they need warm tropical water to thrive and most stalled out by the Carolinas. Enter Irene who essentially fired a shot accross the region's bow. I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of these.
5.The Arctic Ocean will be ice free in summer by 2030 - See Russia and Exxon aggreeing to mineral rights and oil exploration in the Arctic Ocean since ice free Ocean waters tend to be convienant time to build oil rigs. Santa may need a houseboat instead of a Ginger Bread house.
Though the Biggest Agent for Change in Environmental Friendly Policies May Not Be Al Gore - Instead it will be the insurance industry. Claims from storm damage in the US have quadruppled since 1980. Which means premiums we pay on our home owners insurance have probably doubled whatever the size of that quadruple amount was. To the point now living in Florida is almost unaffordable and trailor parks in the Midwest might as well move underground.
Dick Cheney Wrote A Book To Apologize For Everything - Just kidding. Actually the Dark Sith Overlord and former shadow President Dearth Cheney (that's right I said it) essentially boiled it down to 'I did my way and if you don't like it then Go Fuck Yourself!.
Donald Rumsfeld Wrote a Book and Admitted He Screwed Up In Iraq - HA Just kidding Again! The memoir of former Defense secretary and all-around Mr.Warmth essentially said Iraq was everyone else's fault while throwing former Secretaries of State Colin Powell and Condeleeza Rice under the bus, then backing it up for good measure. This is sort of what a circular firing squad looks like.
How Empires Fall - Who knew that a 13 year-old murder victim in Britain could bring down the modern day version of Randolph Hearst? News Corp. CEO and Founder Lord Voldemort aka Rupert Murdoch is watching his media empire crumble after it revealed reporters from one his newspaper hacked into the phone of Sarah Payne and listen to messages for exclusives. When they erased messages to get more scoops it gave false hope to the family and police and potentially distracted them from finding the real killer.
And apparently this was standard practice throughout the UK as News Corp. reporters hacked the Royal Family, celebrities, soldiers killed in Afghanistan, Families of Victims of 7/7 London bombings, Across the pond here, News Corp. is being investigated by the FBI whether they hacked families of 9/11 victims. If this is proves true you may see the shitstorm of the Century and Murdoch's prized American media asset of Fox News will need a lot of umbrellas.
Quite possibly the greatest Out of Office message. EVER - Finally, Since Summer is the season of vacations, which means at offices everywhere it is the season of Out of Office notices. I present the greatest:
I am currently out of the office on vacation.
I know I’m supposed to say that I’ll have limited access to email and won’t be able to respond until I return — but that’s not true. My blackberry will be with me and I can respond if I need to. And I recognize that I’ll probably need to interrupt my vacation from time to time to deal with something urgent.
That said, I promised my wife that I am going to try to disconnect, get away and enjoy our vacation as much as possible. So, I’m going to experiment with something new. I’m going to leave the decision in your hands:
■If your email truly is urgent and you need a response while I’m on vacation, please resend it to interruptyourvacation@[redacted].com and I’ll try to respond to it promptly.
■If you think someone else at [the company] might be able to help you, feel free to email my assistant, and she’ll try to point you in the right direction.
· Otherwise, I’ll respond when I return…
Warm regards,
Josh
.
You Remember When We Were All Supposed To Die in May? - We all got a chcukle when the we were suppose to die on May 22nd, and nothing happened. There were a couple of serious consequences such as a few attempted suicides, a woman trying to drown her kids before the rapture, and retirees giving away their life savings to spread the message. I sort of felt sorry for those elderly true believers who basically got suckered, until I realized the main reason for doomsday prophesy was that gay marriage was now legal. Then I thought, 'Ah screw em. Serves them right for being that stupid'
You Remember all Those Warnings About Impact of Global Warming? - And a large segment of our population who don't believe in science along with all oil company executives sort of chuckled. But here's the funny part, this summer showed the ill effects from climate change might have already started. I always thought 'Global Weirding' was more appropriate term than 'Global Warming' because the changing environment was going to cause a lot of weird things to happen and our weather is starting to get wierd. Compare the predictions with what's actually been happening:
1.The interior of the US will become very hot and very dry - See Texas having over 100 days without rain and record high tempratures this Summer causing even camels in the Dallas Zoo to say 'fuck it's hot!'. And this part of much larger pattern of dry summers for Southwest over past few years.
2.There will be unbalanced distribution of rainfall across the US as some areas get drier, others get wetter - See New Jersey having over 30 inches of rain in August alone, when our yearly average is...42. At this rate a rainforest will sprouting up in our backyard and Newark will become the new Seattle
3.There will be more frequent and deadlier storms accross the country - See the tornadoes in Joplin, Missouri and Tuscaloosa, Alabama
4.The warming Ocean temprature will cause more frequent hurricanes - See Northeast US. One of the complaints about the Maryland, Delaware, and Jersey shores was the cold water did not make for good swimming. But it also served as a saving grace against hurricanes since they need warm tropical water to thrive and most stalled out by the Carolinas. Enter Irene who essentially fired a shot accross the region's bow. I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of these.
5.The Arctic Ocean will be ice free in summer by 2030 - See Russia and Exxon aggreeing to mineral rights and oil exploration in the Arctic Ocean since ice free Ocean waters tend to be convienant time to build oil rigs. Santa may need a houseboat instead of a Ginger Bread house.
Though the Biggest Agent for Change in Environmental Friendly Policies May Not Be Al Gore - Instead it will be the insurance industry. Claims from storm damage in the US have quadruppled since 1980. Which means premiums we pay on our home owners insurance have probably doubled whatever the size of that quadruple amount was. To the point now living in Florida is almost unaffordable and trailor parks in the Midwest might as well move underground.
Dick Cheney Wrote A Book To Apologize For Everything - Just kidding. Actually the Dark Sith Overlord and former shadow President Dearth Cheney (that's right I said it) essentially boiled it down to 'I did my way and if you don't like it then Go Fuck Yourself!.
Donald Rumsfeld Wrote a Book and Admitted He Screwed Up In Iraq - HA Just kidding Again! The memoir of former Defense secretary and all-around Mr.Warmth essentially said Iraq was everyone else's fault while throwing former Secretaries of State Colin Powell and Condeleeza Rice under the bus, then backing it up for good measure. This is sort of what a circular firing squad looks like.
How Empires Fall - Who knew that a 13 year-old murder victim in Britain could bring down the modern day version of Randolph Hearst? News Corp. CEO and Founder Lord Voldemort aka Rupert Murdoch is watching his media empire crumble after it revealed reporters from one his newspaper hacked into the phone of Sarah Payne and listen to messages for exclusives. When they erased messages to get more scoops it gave false hope to the family and police and potentially distracted them from finding the real killer.
And apparently this was standard practice throughout the UK as News Corp. reporters hacked the Royal Family, celebrities, soldiers killed in Afghanistan, Families of Victims of 7/7 London bombings, Across the pond here, News Corp. is being investigated by the FBI whether they hacked families of 9/11 victims. If this is proves true you may see the shitstorm of the Century and Murdoch's prized American media asset of Fox News will need a lot of umbrellas.
Quite possibly the greatest Out of Office message. EVER - Finally, Since Summer is the season of vacations, which means at offices everywhere it is the season of Out of Office notices. I present the greatest:
I am currently out of the office on vacation.
I know I’m supposed to say that I’ll have limited access to email and won’t be able to respond until I return — but that’s not true. My blackberry will be with me and I can respond if I need to. And I recognize that I’ll probably need to interrupt my vacation from time to time to deal with something urgent.
That said, I promised my wife that I am going to try to disconnect, get away and enjoy our vacation as much as possible. So, I’m going to experiment with something new. I’m going to leave the decision in your hands:
■If your email truly is urgent and you need a response while I’m on vacation, please resend it to interruptyourvacation@[redacted].com and I’ll try to respond to it promptly.
■If you think someone else at [the company] might be able to help you, feel free to email my assistant, and she’ll try to point you in the right direction.
· Otherwise, I’ll respond when I return…
Warm regards,
Josh
.
