Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Red Hot Summer Roundup 2012 (featuring Eastwooding, Olympics, and demographic wonkery)!!!

Fall means back to school time and one of the early homework assignments as a kid was usually 'What I Did and Learned Over the summer' Well here's what I learned this summer:

NBC still has not figured out how to broadcast the Olympics - NBC taped delayed all the notable Olympic coverage even though most people already knew the outcomes. NBC defended its prime-time coverage because of some concept they called 'plausible reality'. (If that isn't inflated new age, Marketing bullshit I don't what is) where the tape delay seems live thanks to clever editing, 'looks live' feel. You know what else creates a 'plausible reality'? Something called 'the Internet' wherein people find out whether Michael Phelps won a mere 10 hours before NBC decides to even acknowledge it happened.
Mikala Maroney when asked about NBC's coverage

That business model would have worked in say 1980 before the advent of ESPN where sports was relegated to a 3-minute segment on the 11:00 news and otherwise you had to wait til the morning newspaper Sports section. A time when information traveled about as fast as the speed of a rotary phone. Now not so much, thus Bob Costas can stop with that smug look on his face as he tries to tease us into watching a sporting result where we already know the result. Seeing as NBC have exclusive Olympic coverage until 2024 they have 12 more years to get it right.

FUN BONUS FACT #1!: If anyone tells you they watched the 1980 US Men's hockey team upset the Soviets live they are either lying or misremembering. The game was actually played 3:00 that afternoon and tape delayed for later that evening so unless you were in the arena you did not see it live. Americans didn't really find out about it until the 6:00 news. What they watched was a tape delay that evening and reacting to something that happened five hours earlier.

Roone Arledge, former ABC Sports President and godfather of modern Sports broadcasting including inventing Monday Night Football called that decision one of the dumbest moves he ever made as producer. Of course no surprise to find NBC has not learned the pitfalls of tape delay seeing this is the same network which in the 90's gave up exclusive rights for NFL football opting for...Notre Dame football. How'd that work out?

If You're worried about the impending Post-antibiotic apocalypse (or are a Porn Star), now might the time to say 'Ruh-Roh' - According to the Centers for Disease Control we are down to one functioning antibiotic to treat Gonorrhea. For years public health people have complained Pharma was spending too much time on lifestyle drugs and not the ones that matter. We may find out too soon they were right.

'Literally' is literally the worst adverb - If ever looking for the fastest way to ever piss off a Linguist, writer, or English teacher, blogger Sarah Miller at the theawl.com suggests misusing the word literally. What's the difference between these two sentences:
1.We sat on the tarmac for an hour waiting to take off

2.We literally sat on the tarmac for an hour waiting to take off

The latter suggests you are either lying, embellishing, or being overly dramatic in your story along with being redundant. If your plane was delayed an hour because sitting on a runway, you really do not need to literally inject 'literally' into the description. My alternative to using literally to denote something really happened is 'Hey Man this ain't no bullshit'

Speaking of being overly dramatic, introducing America's newest affliction - Have you ever been out shopping and come across someone who appears to be having a animated conversation with a cell phone. Sort along the lines 'Oh my God,Christie they do not my shoe size!. And now my whole weekend plans are RUINED! (followed by uncontrollable sobbing)

They may have come down with Reality TV derangement syndrome. A psychological disorder characterized when individual thinks they are the star of their own reality TV show. Symptoms include the need to perform in public places, by taking a mundane task or problem and blowing it up into some epic crisis where they share the drama to anyone within the immediate vicinity.

Though the American Psychiatric Association rejects my claim insisting this is mere narcissism right before they hung up on me (rude bastards). I propose to name this affliction Kardashianism and will be expecting my Nobel Prize in the mail any day now. Recommended treatment option is The Reverse Shakespeare: Insist that all the world is not really a stage, and nor should all the men and women merely just be players in it.

Now That's What We Call Music? - The ubiquitous selling, biannual, CD series 'Now That's What I Call Music' featuring all the best in soulless, vapid, cookie cutter Top 40 throwaway songs became the World's biggest selling music series ever. Yes I said World's biggest. When asked for the secret of success, Industry insiders noted the advent in audio technology that allowed large, smoking piles of crap to be encased on a compact disk. As you ponder this factoid, keep in mind right now music execs are wondering aloud without the slightest hint of irony why no one buys full length CD's anymore. Signified by former A-list singers Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, and Adam Levine reduced to judging karaoke shows.

MySpace hit a new low (wait you mean there still isn't a floor?) - Lily Allen, who along with Adele, and Justin Bieber were discovered on the social media site admitted on Twitter she had forgot her password to MySpace and hadn't logged on in over a year.

The end of Western Civilization is now upon us - A show called The Adventures of Honey Boo Boo premiered.

Jeff Foxworthy's jokes practically write themselves -  'If you're idea of upholding Christian ideals of social justice is a eating greasy chicken sandwich from a homophobic fast food chain. You might be a redneck'

In response to criticism of Chick Fil'A anti-gay stance, thousands of Christians flocked to donate time and money at food pantries and homeless shelters get chicken sandwiches because that's how Jesus would of wanted it...according to Mike Huckabee. But have Huckabee or any other fire-and brimstone Baptist preachers ever wondered if it was sort odd Jesus never uttered a word about homosexuality. Even more peculiar, he was Jerusalem's most eligible bachelor, yet eshewed the ladies to always hang out with 12 dudes. Not implying anything. just sayin.

The only biblical evidence may have favored heterosexual marriage was the passage found John 3:69 'Upon seeing Mary Magdaline, Jesus said 'Hey Girl, really digging that frock'

Clint Eastwood spoke to an empty chair and in the process revealed the deep psyche of the modern Republican Party - In the moment that probably set Mitt Romney's Presidential hopes spiraling down in flames, Eastwood projected from an empty chair a vulgar, thuggish Obama who reacts crassly to criticism to his record at the Republican Nat'l Convention. I've never met Obama but I'm pretty sure vulgar and angry he is not. And Eastwood isn't the only conservative whose perception of Obama just does not jive with reality. Over the past four years Obama has been labeled everything by conservatives from a Kenyan Socialist, to a fascist tyrant, to the Anti-Christ. 
The next great internet meme: Eastwooding

In reality I would not even call Obama a liberal but more of a Clintonite centrist or even a Blue Dog Democrat (moderate conservative). So why all the vitriol? For years demographers have been forecasting whites will be minority in the US by 2050. Like geology, changes in demographics often occur slowly, unseen, and often unnoticed until revealed in a sudden, Earth changing event. The election of Obama in 2008 was akin to a demographic earthquake where older, white Americans suddenly realized they aren't in charge anymore.

This op-ed piece from Broward County Sun Sentinel Journal lays it out perfectly:

The GOP today is largely a party of rabid, old, white men in the unhappy dusk of their lives, railing against a nation in which they are no longer the dominant players. It is sad to watch — and sadder to be one of them. You can smell the mothballs of their memories and memorabilia (hats and banners resurrected for the convention), read the rage in their eyes.

And finally, you could see it in every picture of the Tampa convention, especially contrasted with those from the Democrats: The undeniable truth is that the Republican Party is on the wrong side of demographics, which means it's on the wrong side of history. Tragically for our political system, which depends on a vigorous, healthy two-party system, it has chosen to assume the role of permanent obstructionist, ignoring the inevitable changes in population diversity that will eventually bury it.

This man was going to be the next Senator from Missouri, until he verbally diarrhea'd all over himself -
During a low-stakes TV interview with a St.Louis station, Senate candidate Todd Akin casually floated his thoughts about women and rape. Namely that women could not get pregnant from 'legitimate rape' because the female body has the ability to identify 'hostile' sperm and shut down its baby making process. Thus its okay to ban abortion in instances including rape.

Before searching for that theory on Google, don't bother because no reputable doctor has ever given credence to that idea. Akin has about as much credibility on female anatomy as I have, which is zero. Of course condemnation came far and wide with even GOP demanding he drop out of the race. He refused and now essentially turned a guaranteed GOP Senate pick-up into a probable loss. But one thing needs to be cleared up, what Akin said was not a gaffe which implies a flub of the English language or saying something you didn't mean. Akin said what he truly believes, and the real reason he's been scorned by the GOP establishment is he said something publicly what was only to be mentioned in private. You know so as not to scare off moderate voters.

One has to feel that Texas Republican Sen.Jon Cornyn who in charge of running the Senate campaign strategy could probably use a drink....or three. Akin represents another in a growing line of Religious Right loons whose extreme views have cost the GOP winnable elections and control of the US Senate. Akin was leading Democrat Sen.Claire McCaskill by nine points, but is now trailing by three and counting.

And speaking of extreme Religious Right loons here's a hot new conspiracy theory: Staunch Anti-Abortion Activists are motivated by white supremacy - Now I have no proof of this but I have noticed those on the far-right have been using a very curious term called a 'Demographic Winter'.

In a strict academic sense this term is when the annual number of births falls below the number of deaths for a country or region leading to natural population decline. However when used by Far Right-Wing organizations like NOM (Nat'l Organization for Marriage) and the American Family Association it takes on a more subtextual meaning. The US Census Bureau noted 2011 was a milestone as it was the first year that number of births for non-white babies surpassed that of white babies. Thus 'demographic winter' can be translated as 'not enough white babies are being born' giving plausible explanation for the fervant opposition to abortion especially among white mothers. Also explaining opposition to gay marriage since why waste two decent white gay guys when they should be marrying white women and having children, not raving to Lady Gaga

Obviously there is no corroborating evidence but next time you hear that phrase used by someone whose not a demographer. Try prodding their views on race, because what they say might absolutely frighten you.

Something funny happened during Microsoft's path to World domination - What if I told you in terms of technology there could have been an entirely alternate history from the one we know now. From Kurt Eichenwald in Vanity Fair a list of would've, could've, should'ves involving Microsoft:

- In 1998 developed an electronic reader which featured first ever Touch Screen technology....10 years ahead of Amazon Kindle and Apple iPad

- In 2003 developed an idea to post statuses or updates for MSN messenger and see what friends were up to...3 years ahead of Facebook or Twitter

- In 2005 developed a smart phone type device with ability to add and create cool little apps like play music, snap pictures or browse the web...3 years ahead of the iPhone

So how come none of this ever came to bear? All of these ideas came from junior developers but were killed by stifling corporate bureaucracy, obsession with stock price, and managerial arrogance. Industries relying of creativity and inventiveness should not model corporate atmosphere after those of an accounting firm. The lesson of Microsoft is that companies still abiding by old 20th Century rules of business management are doomed to fail in the 21st Century.

FUN BONUS FACT #2! - When Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer eventually gets fired 'resigns to spend more time with his family' he can at least take heart in knowing he was not the biggest mistake in business history.  That honor goes to IBM who in 1959 told two budding inventors that their new 'xerography' machine which made dry copies of existing documents would only have a sales potential of at most 6,000 units. Those two inventors would later found a little known company called Xerox and that machine today would colloquially be called a 'Xerox machine'.

And Microsoft would not be existence if not for IBM. In 1983 Bill Gates showed IBM's executives a new potential operating system to run their computers called 'Windows' facilitated by a device called the 'mouse' to enable a concept called 'point and click' navigation. Not only were IBM executives unimpressed but made perhaps the single most incorrect prediction in history: 'Nobody's going to want a computer in their home'

We're now living in the era of 'Big Data' - George Orwell in the book 1984 once mythologized Big Brother, an all knowing, all-seeing apparatus which controlled the population. Today we have Big Data used by government and corporations and may now know more about you than know about you. Everytime you use your credit card, send something on your cellphone, browse something online; data about that event is being collected, analyzed, and modeled to predict or possibly control future behavior. An example are those loyalty cards grocery stores or other chains use. The reason companies willingly give discounts for using them is because consumers are giving them in return something far more valuable: data and information about their purchasing habits.

Here's how powerful data mining can be. Target in 2010 developed an algorithm to predict when female customers were one to three months pregnant, by noticing they started stockpiling a particular combination of 25 items (ie: baby lotion, cotton balls, diapers, and baby towels all together in one purchase). The goal was to send out baby coupons to these customers who met this algorithm and get a jump ahead of Babies R Us by luring them in for bigger items later on like cribs, toys, etc. So they test run this strategy sending out a circulars with maternity items. Later that week a middle-aged man walks into Minneapolis, MN store fuming mad that they sent his 16 year old daughter maternity stuff and demanded an apology. The next day a manager calls to follow-up except this time the man is apologetic. Turns out his daughter actually was pregnant.
More info Here
 
 

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