Enough with the singing shows, Birther of a Nation, and Time Party Like Its 1945

The big news of the past month? - ...The Beatles albums are finally on iTunes!, but that's not all! We killed Osama bin Laden! This is probably how it felt back in 1945 for my grandparents when Hitler off'd himself at the end of WWII. Which means my Inbox is filling up with Osama jokes. My favorite thus far:

-If Osama wanted a mansion without working phones and internet, he should of signed up with AT&T

-From now on when mob disposes of a body in water, it will be referred to as 'Bin Laden Style'

-Entire raid was really to make up for Obama forgetting to get Hilary something for Secretary's Day

Hot New Real Estate Market: Greenland - Forget Beverly Hills or Miami Beach, the hot new property market is the frozen tundra of Greenland. That's according to geographer Laurence Smith resulting to a newly discovered gigantic oil reserve underneath all that ice and with global warming gradually defrosting Greenland it could be for the taking by 2030. Around that time the Inuit will be driving Rolls Royce snowmachines and living in igloos made of gold.


FUN BONUS FACT: Greenland was the World's first real estate scam, as in the 1200's Vikings cleverly named it 'Green' Land to entice people to settle the region. I'm about 75% sure that's true

And speaking of oil - ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson with a straight face blamed the escalating price on costs associated individual gas stations not the oil companies. They really are asking for a angry mob to show up at their headquarters with pitchforks and torches.

No really, the reality singing shows can stop - Yes I'll grant you American Idol has had some home runs, but for every Carrie Underwood or Kelly Clarkson there's about 15 Taylor Hicks and Clay Aikens. There are no less than 3 major network shows revolving around some 19 year olds having their dreams crushed by musucian has beens upcoming. Seeing as how music sales are down, shouldn't we be focusing on perpetrating less crap music, not more?

But this kind of music can keep coming - Just when you think music has become a bottomless pit of utterless void resembling Ryan Secrest's soul out comes hot new breakout artist Adele. She's sort of like Amy Winehouse except where the talent actually validates hype and music wasn't inspired by chemical dependency. She's sold over 2 million copies so lesson here is people over the age of 25 will still buy music that's smart, catchy, and deep when offered in the marketplace. Who knew?

Next Up for Donald Trump: The search for the Easter Bunny and a unicorn - Barack Obama was forced to release his long-form birth certificate proving he was born in Hawaii therefore an American citizen which was never an issue for the reality-based community. But of course to all the birthers, nothing short of a time machine to transport them to Honolulu circa 1961 to actually witness his birth will do, which shows the problem of conspiracy theorists.

Show them a birth certificate and they'll say 'No we want the REAL birth certificate'. You say this is the real birth certificate and they reply 'How do you know for sure?' In their alternate universe every new piece of evidence simply proves the conspiracy runs deeper. But the more simpler explanation is birtherism = polite racism. Because most 'birthers' seem to have certain racial beliefs like an Black man could never legitimately be elected President.

And speaking of conspiracy theorists - Glenn Beck learned his fearmongering, vile show will not coming back to Fox News proving that even CEO Roger Ailes has some journalistic standards. Beck's spin will be his cancellation was a vast conpsiracy of Zionists in collusion with liberal elite media in collusion with Islamic terrorists in collusion with Freemasons in collusion with aliens from AlphaZeta9 forced him off the air.

The alternative explanation is really its all about cold hard cash. After the shooting of US congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, right wing media outlets were forced to do the math and realized if the shooter had been inspired by one of their talking heads, in legal parlance the liability would equate to 'a shitload of money'. And of course when you prophesize a doomsday scenario resulting from an Obama Presidency and then said scenario never materializes, you sort of lose credibility. Just saying.

How our Government Works - Recently introduced in Congress by Michele Bachmann (R - Crazytown) is 'The Lightbulb Freedom of Choice Act' (I shit you not, look up HR 5616). See back in 2007, that rabid treehugger George Bush signed a law phasing out incondescent lightbulbs in favor of longer lasting, more efficient flourescent lightbulbs that used much less energy and were better for the environment by mid-decade. Bachmann's problem isn't that these new lightbulbs had safety issues or didn't work or didn't save money. They actually saved a lot of money, but for Bachmann it saved money for the wrong people. Namely to the benefit of consumers and not Electric and Utility companies who through their lobbyists basically wrote the bill. And that's democracy in action because we are a government of the corporation, by the corporation, and for the corporation.

'You know how I know you're gay?' - A discussion about whether Lady Gaga is merely a rip-off of Madonna in the 80's is not a gay conversation. But when you are Bryan Fischer chief bigot spokesperson of the anti-gay American Family Association, it's very gay. Fisher went into that debate on his weekly internet podcast diatribe (which isn't worth watching unless you like getting the creeps) which reiterates my theory of homophobia: Supposedly non-gay people who obsess over the gay lifestyle to demonize it are actually gay. Something tells me Fisher's TIVO has the full season of Glee recorded.

Nobel Winning Economist has message for Wealthiest 1%: Start Sharing the Wealth or Face Revolution - In a column for Vanity Fair Joseph Stiglitz noted that in 2010 25% of America's wealth is owned by just 1% of the population, compared to 25 years ago when they owned just 12%. Plus they're incomes went up by 18% while men with only high school diploma went down by 13% in the same span.

His warning to those 1% is look to revolutions in Tunisia and Egypt where the other 99% decided they had enough and brought down the ruling elite. Or going further back ask Russian Czar Nicholas II or Marie Antionette how income inequality played out for them. So Stiglitz suggests now might be a good time to take some excess wealth and invest in things that would perhaps create jobs and bolster the middle class. Personally I don't think there will literally be class warfare unless the Tea Party crowd figures out they've been had then all bets are off.

But someone clearly isn't heeding Stiglitz's message - Should Obama win a second term, at his inaguration he can personally thank Congressman Rep. Paul Ryan (R - Wisconsin) whose 'Roadmap to Prosperity' which serves as the official GOP economic plan calls for privitizing Medicare and eliminating Social Secuirty for people now under the age of 55 while providing tax breaks to corporations with low taxes to pay off Gov't debt. In other words shifting the burden of healthcare and retirement costs to the elderly thereby balancing the budget which allows the rich to take their tax savings and create new jobs and everybody gets rich! (well that's the theory at least and Ryan also noted in the future hot chicks will finally dig guys for their personality alone)

Needless to say as Republicans have found out back in their home districts, this plan has gone over about as well as a fart on a crowded airplane. Because for some reason a lot of elderly are altruistic and worry about the younger generations because they can remember what life was like for the elderly before Social Security and Medicare (it sucked). And the young like the idea of living long enough to enjoy their grandkids while not living in poverty or gravely ill. The old political truism has been Social Security and Medicare are the third rail of electoral politics, touch it and you die. And polling is starting to show the GOP could lose Congress next year and Ryan may be a crispy critter when all is said and done.

When Science fiction is not stranger than Reality - In the 1987 awesomely bad movie RoboCop which takes place in a not too distant dystopian future where the city of Detroit, Michigan is so crime ridden and unlivable that an autocratic corporation takes the place of elected government to run things and clean up the streets. And its up to RoboCop to save the day and fight crime while overthrowing the evil company and saving democracy...yada,yada,yada.

Now present day, Michigan Governor Rick Snyder has enacted an Emergency Manager Law which allows him to install unelected 'Emergency' managers for troubled cities and towns dissolving the local government and leaving decisions to one person unaccountable to residents. Civil libertarians should take note, Snyder already enacted this provision in Benton Harbor, MI where the 'emergency' manager has ties to a local land developer who for years wanted the town's prized lake front property. But those pesky elected officials always denied him citing public use for families, beach preservation, affordable housing, yada, yada, yada. But now suprise, suprise, one of his first acts was to authorize the sale of this land to said developer. Not saying this law is a nefarious attempt by the State's powerful elite to circumvent local elected officials...well actually yeah that's what I'm saying.

FUN BONUS FACT: RoboCop has perhaps the greatest death scene ever in an action movie when a drug dealer falls into a vat of toxic waste during a gun battle with the aforementioned protagonist in some abandoned factory. He then emerges from the vat a hot mess (that's putting it lightly) and gets run over by another fleeing drug dealer and....well worth seeing if you're up at 4 in the morning and catch it on Cinemax sometime.