Things I've Learned

1.My wife once asked me if I could start life over again from infancy without a cleft palate/lip would I do it. I replied No because learning to overcome the obstacles thrown my way from the cleft have helped me become a much stronger, wiser person than if I hadn't otherwise.

2.Both of my parents were deceased by the time I was 30 so I've learned the most valuable commodity in life is time. I did not learn that until after my father died in 2006 and realized too late the time I missed with him...

3...So I'm determined to maximize the time I have with my own family because my oldest daughter was born 10 months after my Dad died. Tomorrow is never promised to us today.

4.Though adversity has been a constant in my life, I've learned to view it as a gift because its like strength training for the soul. The process of persevering and conquering teaches things about yourself and ideally you learn there are things you can accomplish you didn't realize you could before.

5.It's from my Dad that I get my warped sense of humor. His philosophy was when faced with the absurdities of life you have the option to either laugh or cry. I choose to laugh.

6.It's from my Mom that I learned empathy and it's best to try to see the beauty in all people which makes me seem agreeable to most people most of the time. I hope

7.It's because of my parents that I'm a terrible liar. My Dad was a Fraud Claims investigator and Mom a Criminal psychologist for the State of Ohio. Which means growing up I could never get away with lying, ever.

8.I've had 15 surgeries on my cleft starting when I was six months old and learned the most important part of any surgery beforehand is meeting the Anesthesiologist because your life is literally in their hands.

9.Four years of a all-boys, Catholic high school meant at the start of college I was four years behind the curve in talking to girls and having fun.

10.But joined a fraternity and quickly made up for lost time and learned many great friendships start out over a beer. Though I fear if my daughters hear stories from that era they may never look at me the same when they grow up. Thank God YouTube didn't exist in the late 90's

11.Best advice ever got was my high school history teacher Fr. Bennett who said 'Get a job that involves using your brain and using your creativity that cannot be easily outsourced, replicated, or copied. Because the days of earning $25 an hour manually and monotonously making stuff are over.' I wish Ohio's political leaders had listened to that and not underfunded its schools because it would not be in the sorry state that it's in right now.

12.I got a degree in Sociology and Geography which qualified you to be the most educated person working at a Dairy Queen....so I got a Master's in Demography which guaranteed being asked two things when mentioned in conversation: What is It? and What do you do with it?

13.Growing up in Columbus, Ohio I couldn't wait to get out and move to some city more exciting so took a chance on a job in Philadelphia which worked out very well. But I've learned where you grew up is always a part of you and whenever I go back to Columbus I can't seem to get enough.

14.Wherever you are in the World, whenever you tell someone you're from Columbus, their response is always 'Oh..Ohio State football, right?'.

15.Following Ohio sports teams means learning about futility. Especially Cleveland sports teams who just don't lose but go down in flaming, spectacular, epic defeat.

16.I met my wife on the Internet by fluke of chance of browsing random dating profiles and took a longshot of writing late one evening. I've learned that myth of destiny in finding 'The One' may not entirely be a crock of shit.

17.I'm very lucky to have my wife. Literally. I was two hours late for our first date but she still was willing to go out and ended up being one of funnest days of my life. Also my first e-mail was so riddled with typos she still keeps it...as a joke to show our kids. Lesson is to Spell Check..Always.

18.I learned she'll love me for me when she stayed at my apartment and being just out of grad school my Worldly possessions merely consisted of a Futon, Recliner, 15 year old TV and TV tray which served as my dinner table.

19.Best advice on marriage comes from comedian Ralphie May: 'Men have two options in marriage: Being right...or being happy'

20.The most annoying sound to a married woman is the theme song to ESPN SportsCenter

21.Kids are a healthier option than drugs as a cure for insomnia.

22.My biggest fear for my daughters is the spate of bullying which I hope is just a lot of media hype. My goal is to raise daughters who are strong and confident as to immune from trolls. And if that fails at least pass along my trait for having an quick wit and acid tongue enabling them to be a Tina Fey on steroids who bullies will think twice about messing with.

23.When high school comes around, my advice to my girls will be most of the non-academic portion of high school is bullshit because it absolutely does not reflect real life in any shape or form and essentially is a Theater of the Absurd. Just learn what your supposed to, make some meaningful friendships, do something constructive, and mainly worry about what happens afterward (like hopefully college)....

24....Because in adulthood the biggest losers in life are people who brag about being the 'cool kids' in high school which ends up being their biggest accomplishment in life.

25.It's because of my kids that I moved off the market research fast lane to the middle lane (which sometimes feels like the slow lane) because coming home everyday at a decent hour and getting time with them are more important than having a title or six figure salary.

26.I've spent the first 8 years of my professional life in the Pharmaceutical Industry and learned the scientists who research and develop new drugs have the noblest of intentions. The executives who market and sell those drugs do not.

27.The worst kind of boss is the one who bases performance solely on how early you come in and how late you stay in as opposed to what you accomplish in those hours. In the Market Research industry they prove the Peter Principle, that in business people rise to the level of their incompetence meaning the CEO very often is merely a blathering idiot.

28.In 2008 I was laid off marking the only time I ever got fired or lost a job in my life. And it ended being the greatest thing to ever happen in my career because I got my dream job 3 months afterward. Sometimes blessings can be very hidden.

29.Working in the Health Insurance Industry means whenever go to the doctor, and they ask what you do for a living, it's best not to mention you work in the Health Insurance Industry. Or be prepared to follow-up with 'I'm just a public health research analyst, no really I'm one of the good guys.'

30.Overall in my career I've had both victories and defeats. It's how you learn to handle defeat that determines ultimately if you are successful.

31.I'm Catholic and believe in God but my faith came about not from some burning bush conversion or forced adherence growing up but rather an intellectual conclusion that this complex, mysterious web of life could not have happened by happy accident. And that some mysterious force surely must govern the universe.

32.Though I agree with an atheist who once told me 'Jesus, like him lots. His followers, eh, not so much'. Far too often self-proclaimed devout Christians betray the common good.

33. Politically my views are a lot like my bowling game in that my ball tends to veer to the left. Though I try to hear all sides since very few issues are black and white. I've learned it's foolish to jump to an automatic viewpoint upon hearing an issue due solely to a pre-defined ideology.

34. I'm technically a registered Democrat though would not mind seeing a third, fourth, even fifth party. I will consider Republicans should that party ever become unhinged from the Far right and demonstrate some semblance of sanity on governing.

35. While some people fear the unlimited power of Government, I fear the unlimited power of corporations and wealthiest elements of our society. You don't get to a size of ExxonMobil or Goldman-Sachs without doing something immoral, illegal, or both.

36.In restaurants the bigger the menu, the less likely you'll be getting a good meal.

37.Strangest thing I've ever seen was at a dive, biker bar on the Jersey shore which was the Anti-Cheers where nobody knew my name and nobody was really glad I came. But they were all sitting around transfixed to the TV watching a Kylie Minogue concert.

38.If I won the lottery I would spend the money on traveling. Two of my most cherished possessions are my grandfather's passport which has over 100 country stamps and his vast collection of photographs from those travels. It taught me traveling is the best way to expand your mind and I've found when leaving one's friendly confines you come back a more enlightened person than when you left.

39. The most beautiful place I've ever seen is the base of Mt.Rainier in Washington state. This is what I imagine heaven would look like when you die.

40. My top destination I want to travel is the province of Asturias in Spain. You don't hear about it because of a conspiracy of silence by Spaniards to keep it themselves. But I want to get there before all the mass European tourist hordes discover it.

41.On the commuter trains I take to Philly for work I see Wall Street broker types and want to ask: In running in the corporate rat race with whom are you racing and what are you racing for?

42.My parents taught me not to curse. Not because its bad but because it shows other people you cannot express a complete thought without using foul language and are therefore judged to be an idiot. Though sometimes I break that rule because a well placed 'fuck' can help you be more demonstrative in making a point.

43. I don't blame Jon Gosselin for leaving Kate, though I do blame him for lousy taste in women.

44. I think 'The Wire' is the greatest TV show ever, and the fact it never won a Emmy taught me what's good is often very different from what's popular.

45.Finally if my Alma mater Bowling Green ever got smart and were to invite me to give the commencement address, I would mention how a Sociological study from Harvard which followed a class of its graduates from the 1940's over their lifetime taught me the two most important things I've learned about life so far:

First, the most important variable of determining success was not looks, money, privilege, gender, race, or social status, but sheer perseverance. What most successful graduates had in common were exhibiting true grit in the face of naysayers, doubters, and obstacles to where overtime they achieved their life goals regardless of whatever others wanted.

Second, the happiest of those graduates did not place importance on attaining wealth, or fame, or prominence but rather on accumulating memories and experiences. In particular the memories created by our family, friends, and loved ones and the memories we create for them. Because when our time on this Earth is up, ultimately that is all we will be remembered by.