An Early, Feeble Attempt at Comedy Writing

This may be the very first attempt at comedy writing for an audience, when I wrote this roast of a friend's wedding about 7 years ago so I apologize if it's sucks. I sort of skewered (good naturedly) his wedding. Some references may be dated, but interesting watching the progression:

THE CEREMONY (where a televangelist gave a rather 'interesting' sermon):

“The wedding was beautiful and everybody looked great, but I think the preacher may have been a bit much. I mean lighten up there fella…it’s just wedding”
Sincerely Pat Robertson and Religious Right

“We totally agree with the preacher about everything he said, especially the part where he said ‘til death do us part’”
Regards, OJ Simpson and Scott Peterson

“That was definitely one of the best weddings I’ve been to. Believe me I know, I’ve done several myself”
Best of Luck, Jennifer Lopez

THE RECEPTION (where we did not exactly endear ourselves to the bride, after our little joke involving nature photos with the disposable cameras):

“The course was looked good, the food was good. My drinking hand was a little rusty on the first few beers, but once I got into the flow, the back nine went down easy. And with the shots I found my short game went easier”
Sincerely, Tiger Woods

“Wow! Golf Course?, Wedding?, Beer? Sometimes for me that can be a bad situation”
Sincerely, Golf Carts

“I figure it might have been tough get by on one keg, but usually that’s all we need to get us through the workday”
Sincerely, Philadelphia Int’l Airport Baggage Handlers

“We love what you did with the disposable cameras in the bathroom. Can we see those sometime?”
Regards, Internet Porn

“You guys had ass play in the bathroom? Sounds like my kind of wedding!"
Sincerely, George Micheal

“What you call cornholing, is what I call Saturday Night”
Sincerely, Bubba (inmate # 582247 at Newark New Jersey Correctional Facility)

“Taking pictures of your willy with those disposable cameras was childish and immature”Sincerely,Tom Green

THE HOTEL (where we may have had the World's slowest bartender in some retro 70's style lounge that never got updated):

“Hanging out at the hotel was cool and all, but what was with that manager telling people to take off their hats. We go to bars all the time with hats. She made>us feel like we were common trailer trash” Sincerely, The average West Virginia resident

“What was up with the bartender being so slow? We're patient people but come on….fifteen minutes for a drink?’
Yours Truly, Glaciers

“We find slow bartenders to be REALLY annoying!”
Sincerely, Telemarketers

“Got a slow bartender? Usually putting on a ski mask and a shotgun gets em moving pretty fast from our experience”
Sincerely, Armed Robbers