Disclaimer: This is no way a paid endorsement of GEICO insurance but rather a test if I can be funnier than their million dollar marketing team. Frankly if their lawyers read this I'll probably get slapped with a cease and desist letter so enjoy while you can!
When reading imagine Geico's commercials where the overly serious, hard-boiled spokesman with the raspy voice says his trademark line then turning toward the camera asks about some absurd rhetorical question followed by a comic segment depicting the answer to that question. Now here just visually plug in each scenario below after the trademark question....
'Could switching to GEICO really save you 15 percent or more on car insurance?.......
1)...Do members of N'SYNC have trouble getting phone calls returned by Justin Timberlake?'
(Scene: Lance Bass in kitchen on phone calling for Timberlake but can never seem to get past his Assistant)
Lance Bass: Tell JT It's Lance Bass...we were in N'SYNC together...what do you mean he's busy for the next 15 years...Well tell him we're getting boys together for a reunion tour....Well alright I guess I'll stay on hold...NO not Lance Armstrong...Lance Bass...(click, dial tone) ..Hello?...Hello?
2)...Would winning a bar fight with an Octopus be a difficult proposition?'
(Scene: Dive bar by a shipping harbor with drunken longshoreman sitting next to a large, grumpy looking Octopus smoking a pipe)
Shoreman: What the hell are you looking at slimebag?
(Octopus grabs Shoreman's hat with tentacle #1 and lifts it over his head playing keep away)
Shoreman: Hey you pile of blob, give me that
(Octopus proceeds to slap shoreman with tentacle #2...then tentacle #5...then tentacle #3..then tentacle #7...)
Shoreman: Fight like a man you spineless mullosc!
(Octopus lifts shoreman with two tentacles and throws him threw a window followed by a splash denoting he has fallen into the water)
3)...Is Mariah Carey's therapist underpaid?'
(Scene: Therapist's Office with Carey holding her little dog on couch while therapist sits in chair looking absolutely miserable)
Carey: I just don't how little Cindy Loo-Loo here just can't get along Fuzzy-Duck Mo-Mo. Reminds me of the time we went to hidden unicorn valley on Candycane mountain and you (pointing to the dog) Loo-Loo got all mad with Patty Prissypants....
(Pan camera to therapist sneaking a sip of presumably whiskey from a flask and putting his head in his hands)
4)...Was anyone really surprised Ricky Martin was gay?'
(Scene: Ricky Martin and his agent in outdoor cafe in Miami's South Beach)
Ricky: Tommy I have a secret...I'm gay
Agent: Really? (facial expression belying feigned shock)
Ricky: Wow! Are you surprised? I must have hid it pretty well, huh?
Agent: No, not really (facial expression disappears) Helen Keller could tell you were gay. I mean if this table is Gaydar, you are dead ahead at 12 o'clock.
5)...Would Dane Cook getting punched in the nuts be the funniest thing he'd ever done'
(Scene: Cook on stage telling some long-winded, supposedly amusing story about his life)
Cook: So I tell the McDonald's cashier what you mean can't I have breakfast past 10? Then I say well it's 10:02 and haven't you ever heard of the customer is always right..wait it gets better..
(Ghost of George Carlin appears and punches Cook square in family jewels. Pan out to Cook writhing in pain on stage as crowd gives loud uproar and standing ovation)
6)...Would calling a little person a midget get you a kick in the shins?'
(Scene: On city street in generic city with grown man climbing on top of car holding his presumably injured leg while trying to keep away from angry little person yelling at him)
Little Person: You wanna know where the Yellow Brick Road begins!? It starts with my foot mother(bleeper)...and you can follow it as it kicks your ass! C'mon big man I'll even show you where the Keebler elves reside. (picks up metal pipe and starts breaking the car windows...Police sirens in background)
7)...Does Kanye West have a God complex?'
(Scene: Interview in non-descript hotel room as part of some publicity tour)
West: You know growing up I thought I was the Son of God since all my rhymes are divinely inspired for the betterment of mankind. But then my Sunday school teacher broke the news..'Kanye, the Bible already tells us God already sent his only Son to save humanity...and he wasn't you!'
(Interviewer tries to get a word in but fails)
West: After getting thrown out of class for calling Father a (bleep)sucker I fell into a funk you know because this Jesus fellow stole my thunder. And everybody was all like 'Jesus this, Jesus that'. But let me ask you, how many hits has Jesus ever had...
(Interviewer tries to answer)
West: Zero. He turned water to wine but has he ever turned water into Cristal?
8)...Does passing gas then blaming it on invisible animals only work for so long with kids?'
(Scene: Living Room of typical Suburban home with Dad reading newspaper in Laz-Boy and two 9 year-olds, a boy and girl are playing video games)
Dad: (loud fart sound)
Girl: Dad!..That's Gross!
Dad: It wasn't me...it was that tiny pink Zebra under the end table. He's invisible because you can't see him (looks condescendingly back at paper with smirk)
Girl: Oh so maybe it was also an invisible giraffe that always tries on Mom's lipstick
Boy (laughing): Yeah and maybe it was that invisible Rhino that got all dressed up as a woman and went to hang out at the truck stop by the Interstate calling herself Rhonda
Dad: I don't know (looking increasingly embarrassed, sinking in chair, hiding behind paper)
(Girl turns up iPod to Aerosmith's 'Dude, Looks like a Lady' as both kids point and laugh)
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