How do you know that it’s time to go to go on a diet? – When your daughter points out that I have ‘boobies’ like Mommy and during a check-up and you get the heaviest weight ever in your life prompting the nurse to ask “Did you eat Little Debbie or just her snacks?” I was at 236, which may not be very big except when entering college, I weighed 135. Part of it (well, lot of it) was mass-quantity beer drinking in my early to mid 20’s. But luckily my company has it’s own gym (working for ‘The Man’ has it’s privileges) and I’m now down to 223 at last check. I’ll keep you posted.
Discovering my ‘Inner Nerd’ – I was never comic book guy and I’m probably part of the 1% of people on the planet who still have not seen Dark Knight. However, I’m looking forward to The Watchmen because it’s the only graphic novel to make the list of 100 Top Influential novels of the 1980’s from Time magazine. It’s sort of the Thinking Man’s version of ‘Superfriends’. Of course getting my wife to be remotely interested will be a challenge suitable for Superman.
This can be filed as ‘Well, Duh’ – According to the article “George Lucas destroyed my childhood” recently in Entertainment Weekly, nerds (oops sorry ‘Fans’) are complaining that Lucas has ruined the Star Wars franchise by overmarketing everything about the series for money. In response to the criticism, Lucas launched his new website “The Star Wars Cash Cam” where get you to see live footage Lucas counting all his money after the Brink’s truck shows up to deliver the day’s royalties.
This should make you feel better about the recession – According to Congressional insiders familiar with the Bailout. On Sept. 18, 2008, the US was potentially three hours away from financial Armageddon when the stock market lost over $600 Million dollars during morning trading and was on pace to lose 70% of it’s value before a deal was made on the Bailout. And you thought you had a bad day.
And this make you feel better about the near future – According to the Gov’t Accounting Office the Medicare Hospital fund may go broke as early as 2018.
And this make you feel better about the long-term future – Because of the current budget deficit, Congress is ‘borrowing’ from the Social Security trust-fund to pay for Gov’t departments. But don’t worry, given Washington’s track record of fiscal prudence I’m sure it will be paid back in time as a safety net for young people because it’s not like there’s a huge cohort of Baby Boomers set to retire in the next 10 years or anything.
“Weedies”: The New Breakfast of Champions – With a photo of Michael Phelps taking a hit off a bong appearing on the Internet, evidently those PSA commercials stating weed gets you nowhere in life will have to scrapped since it didn' stop Phelps from the Olympics. I’ll knock Phelps for being stupid and putting his endorsement money at risk but honestly I won’t knock him for the weed. Not that I endorse smoking it, but given the steroids in baseball and abuse of painkillers in football it’s nothing. Besides both the current and former President have admitted snorting cocaine in their ‘wayward’ youth, so cut him some slack.
In other ‘Weed’ related news – According to Peter Yarrow of 60’s folk group Peter, Paul, and Mary, their song ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’ was not about marijuana. Uh, yeah and I’m sure The Beatles’ song ‘What’s the New Mary Jane’ was actually about a woman named Mary Jane. Plus Jimi Hendrix’s ‘All Along the Watchtower’ was actually about standing on top of a tower or some other elevated vantage point.
And while we’re on the topic of weed – In honor of Vancouver , British Columbia hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics they have asked for ideas for a mascot to represent the city. Seeing as that Province legalized marijuana recently, I suggested ‘Spliffy’, everybody’s favorite talking joint with the tagline “Light it up, Dudes!” as the official slogan. For some reason they hung up on me when I called them with the idea.
Not to paint Canada with a broad brush or anything but given most Canadians I knew smoked weed like a chimney, they could probably replace the Maple leaf with a marijuana leaf on the Canadian flag.
Hot new feud: the Republican Party vs. Reality – In the official GOP response to Barack Obama’s well received State of the Union address. Bobby Jindal, the current Governor of Louisiana and now former ‘frontrunner’ for the party’s 2012 Presidential nomination gave one of the worst speeches at one of the worst posible times in modern political history. Jindal said his party opposed the economic stimulus because of ‘excessive’ government spending and that tax breaks for the wealthy will solve the economic crisis. So according to them foremost on American’s minds right now about Gov’t intervention in the economy are concerns about spending and lower taxes while not at all concerned about heading off the next Great Depression or anything. Uh, good luck with that.
Pittsburgh wins the Super Bowl* – As a Cincinnati Bengals fan my reaction to the last second touchdown was to repeat the F-word in succession for about five minutes. However in the interest of sportsmanship allow me to send along my congratulations to Steeler fans everywhere on your Championship with the sincere wish that you choke on it and die.
*Bitterness – A feeling of loathing or irrational hatred for someone or something that often experiences success causing a deep seated resentment in those who usually do not have success.
Megan Fox breaks off Engagement** – In a sign that God does indeed exist, Megan Fox broke off her engagement to her full time unemployed actor beau Brian Austin Green who is occasionally remembered for his absolutely non-groundbreaking role in the 90’s teen show Douchebag High ..urr..Beverly Hills 90210. Not to brag but if I were still single I think I could score a date with Megan Fox because I’m just that good!
**Delusional – A overall state of false or altered perception of self in relation to reality
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