No sibling rivalry,,,,,,yet – We're thankful to not only have two healthy daughters but who also appear to be really be forming a close sisterly bond. Of course, when boys start getting into the picture then we'll see.
The Local K-Mart Deathwatch - We live in a quasi suburban, quasi-rural area of South Jersey where the only close retail option was K-Mart. Like most K-Marts, you could never find what you needed, the employees we're as close to brain dead without being comatose, and you felt in need of a shower when leaving because the store was so filthy.However, salvation came in the form of a new Target the next town over, which means we're all taking bets on the Over/Under of when K-Mart goes bankrupt.
I'm personally helping the cause by standing outside K-Mart's front doors and telling people "You know Target is now open in Mantua". To which they say "Thanks!" and head back to their cars.
Digital TV Switchover - As part of the progression of legalized extortion from Cable companies technology all analogue TV signals (where the TV needs rabbit ears to get signal) will cease. Which will usher in a glorious new age of Cable TV monopoly communication technology. Here’s a list of other things that will join TV antennas as needing to be phased out:
-Rotary Phones
-Typewriters
-Fur Coats
-Larry King
-Buicks
-Old People who still refer to Asians as ‘Orientals’
Bernie Madoff scandal – Back in college for my Criminology class term paper, I argued that in economic terms white-collar crime did more damage to the average person than regular street crime. With Bernie Madoff allegedly swindling $50 Billion from investors in a Ponzi scheme, this translates to $20 Billion in lost tax revenue to the Gov’t. That’s $20 Billion that could have been used for providing every child in this country with healthcare or fixing the Top 10 bridges that needed repaired or providing every soldier in Iraq and Afghanistan with body armour.
This leads to another theory of mine, that the Justice System treats rich people very differently than average people. The fact that Madoff gets to await trial relaxing in his $7 million Penthouse apartment in Manhattan as opposed to jail where anyone else would be spending their time lends credence.
Sarah Palin: A never ending fountain of stupidity – Proving that denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, the former VP candidate blamed bloggers for losing the election. Uh Right, in the same way paparazzi are responsible for Lindsay Lohan not becoming the next Reece Witherspoon. I think it actually had more to do with majority of Americans deciding that the Harvard educated lawyer with the high IQ would be a better a fit to run the country than an unrepentant dumb-ass who displays her ignorance like a badge of honor.
Luckily, we’ll get more of the Governor’s wit and wisdom in her new book deal tentatively titled “When Deer Met Headlights: The Sarah Palin Story”.
Newest Industry needing a bailout: Porn – Proving no one is unscathed by the recession, several Porn production companies have officially petitioned the Gov’t for cash from the $700 Billion Economic stimulus fund to help their business. This is a reverse of the usual scenario where people give the Porn Industry cash for their own personal stimulus.
CIA officials angry about new Chief – Top officials from America’s spy agency are angry that they we’re not consulted about Obama’s nominee to head the CIA, Leon Pinetta. Which is ironic seeing as they’re job is gathering Intelligence and if they we’re halfway decent at their jobs they could have gotten the scoop before it was announced thereby proving Obama’s point that the CIA needs vast improvement.
Bride Wars Flops at Box Office – I know we’re all shocked that another Kate Hudson bombed. Evidently she never inherited the funny gene from her Mom Goldie Hawn.
So much for free pens – Thanks to new rules governing marketing to doctors by drug companies, all promotional materials featuring drugs are banned from doctor’s offices including those cool drug pens that I love to steal borrow. I guess Pharma companies will have to increase drug sales the old-fashioned way: By actually making worthwhile drugs that cure disease and are affordable.
Not turning out to be a good year for White supremacists – Adding to the insult of Obama being inaugurated, the folks in the inbred social circle known as the KKK now have this to contend with. New figures show Barbie the icon of blond hair, blue eyes has been overtaken as the top selling toy in sales by Dora the Explorer, the Spanish speaking Latina adventurer. I can see members of the Aryan Brotherhood getting so angry they burn a cross in their yard.
Overheard in the Obama White House after the Inaguration -
MO: "What a day!"
BO: "Phew, yeah...what a day!"
MO: "I'm exhausted. Could you get the light, Barack?"
BO: "Yes I can! I will not only get the light, I will shine the light for all Americans and show them the way through the darkness! It is a light that arises from the hopes and dreams of the old and the young, the black and white and yellow and red and brown, the gay and the straight, the rich and the poor! It is a light on whose rays the promise of hope...to make that light a beacon of progress. And I say to you tonight: This is our moment! This is our bedtime!"
MO: "Oh fer god's sake never mind, I'll do it myself"
The Local K-Mart Deathwatch - We live in a quasi suburban, quasi-rural area of South Jersey where the only close retail option was K-Mart. Like most K-Marts, you could never find what you needed, the employees we're as close to brain dead without being comatose, and you felt in need of a shower when leaving because the store was so filthy.However, salvation came in the form of a new Target the next town over, which means we're all taking bets on the Over/Under of when K-Mart goes bankrupt.
I'm personally helping the cause by standing outside K-Mart's front doors and telling people "You know Target is now open in Mantua". To which they say "Thanks!" and head back to their cars.
Digital TV Switchover - As part of the progression of legalized extortion from Cable companies technology all analogue TV signals (where the TV needs rabbit ears to get signal) will cease. Which will usher in a glorious new age of Cable TV monopoly communication technology. Here’s a list of other things that will join TV antennas as needing to be phased out:
-Rotary Phones
-Typewriters
-Fur Coats
-Larry King
-Buicks
-Old People who still refer to Asians as ‘Orientals’
Bernie Madoff scandal – Back in college for my Criminology class term paper, I argued that in economic terms white-collar crime did more damage to the average person than regular street crime. With Bernie Madoff allegedly swindling $50 Billion from investors in a Ponzi scheme, this translates to $20 Billion in lost tax revenue to the Gov’t. That’s $20 Billion that could have been used for providing every child in this country with healthcare or fixing the Top 10 bridges that needed repaired or providing every soldier in Iraq and Afghanistan with body armour.
This leads to another theory of mine, that the Justice System treats rich people very differently than average people. The fact that Madoff gets to await trial relaxing in his $7 million Penthouse apartment in Manhattan as opposed to jail where anyone else would be spending their time lends credence.
Sarah Palin: A never ending fountain of stupidity – Proving that denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, the former VP candidate blamed bloggers for losing the election. Uh Right, in the same way paparazzi are responsible for Lindsay Lohan not becoming the next Reece Witherspoon. I think it actually had more to do with majority of Americans deciding that the Harvard educated lawyer with the high IQ would be a better a fit to run the country than an unrepentant dumb-ass who displays her ignorance like a badge of honor.
Luckily, we’ll get more of the Governor’s wit and wisdom in her new book deal tentatively titled “When Deer Met Headlights: The Sarah Palin Story”.
Newest Industry needing a bailout: Porn – Proving no one is unscathed by the recession, several Porn production companies have officially petitioned the Gov’t for cash from the $700 Billion Economic stimulus fund to help their business. This is a reverse of the usual scenario where people give the Porn Industry cash for their own personal stimulus.
CIA officials angry about new Chief – Top officials from America’s spy agency are angry that they we’re not consulted about Obama’s nominee to head the CIA, Leon Pinetta. Which is ironic seeing as they’re job is gathering Intelligence and if they we’re halfway decent at their jobs they could have gotten the scoop before it was announced thereby proving Obama’s point that the CIA needs vast improvement.
Bride Wars Flops at Box Office – I know we’re all shocked that another Kate Hudson bombed. Evidently she never inherited the funny gene from her Mom Goldie Hawn.
So much for free pens – Thanks to new rules governing marketing to doctors by drug companies, all promotional materials featuring drugs are banned from doctor’s offices including those cool drug pens that I love to steal borrow. I guess Pharma companies will have to increase drug sales the old-fashioned way: By actually making worthwhile drugs that cure disease and are affordable.
Not turning out to be a good year for White supremacists – Adding to the insult of Obama being inaugurated, the folks in the inbred social circle known as the KKK now have this to contend with. New figures show Barbie the icon of blond hair, blue eyes has been overtaken as the top selling toy in sales by Dora the Explorer, the Spanish speaking Latina adventurer. I can see members of the Aryan Brotherhood getting so angry they burn a cross in their yard.
Overheard in the Obama White House after the Inaguration -
MO: "What a day!"
BO: "Phew, yeah...what a day!"
MO: "I'm exhausted. Could you get the light, Barack?"
BO: "Yes I can! I will not only get the light, I will shine the light for all Americans and show them the way through the darkness! It is a light that arises from the hopes and dreams of the old and the young, the black and white and yellow and red and brown, the gay and the straight, the rich and the poor! It is a light on whose rays the promise of hope...to make that light a beacon of progress. And I say to you tonight: This is our moment! This is our bedtime!"
MO: "Oh fer god's sake never mind, I'll do it myself"
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