Julia’s Gentleman Caller – I knew this would happen but so early? At a pancake breakfast fundraiser, some budding Casanova takes Julia’s hand and takes her for a walk. Really? At 2 years old and the kid is already flirting?
Now playing on Hell’s TIVO – The Hallmark Channel announced it’s 2009 lineup of 35 original movies that I’m sure will feature it’s usual commitment to film excrement..urr.. excellence. Featuring an all-star cast of D-list celebrities who collectively bring a starpower caliber equal to that of a reading light. This year’s crop promises to induce Diabetic shock with storylines so sappy and schmaltzy that I can already feel my blood sugar going through the roof.
Perhaps the greatest album review ever – From Esquire magazine regarding the New Jonas Brothers album: “Obituary: Music officially dies after succumbing to the release of “Jonas Brothers 3-D Movie Soundtrack”. Reportedly on the day the music died, it said good-bye to Miss American Pie then drove a Chevrolet truck to a levy only to find said levy was dry where two Southern gentleman we’re consuming alcoholic beverages and discussing their mortality.”
As if men needed another reason to hate Leonardo DiCaprio – Proving that life is indeed unfair, Leo’s girlfriend Bar Refaeli graced the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition causing grown men to stop dead in their tracks, saying “Whoa momma!” at newsstands everywhere.
The Great American 'Teabagging' – In an apparent protest of taxes and government, thousands of ‘teabaggers’ are holding ‘Tea Parties’ across America on April 15 when taxes are due proving many right-wing talk radio fans completely lack a sense of irony given the term ‘teabagging’ has whole other connotation. So if any ‘teabagger’ is wondering why everyone is snickering and laughing at them, please consult urbandictionary.com or ask any adolescent teenage boy. At least they didn’t call it a ‘Roman Soldier Helmet’ party or ‘Salad Tossing’ party.
Piracy: It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt – The latest scourge of the high seas involves pirates from Somalia highjacking large freight ships and crew in the Indian Ocean demanding ransom for their release. Not sure if they got the idea from watching too much “Pirates of the Caribbean ” but I’m guessing Capt. Jack Sparrow would not be crazy enough to take on the US Navy. Particularly after seeing the Navy SEAL snipers take out three pirates holding an American ship captain hostage.
As a result expect this Gov’t statistic to be updated more frequently: Body Count of Pirates by President
Thomas Jefferson – 800
James Madison – 500
Barack Obama - 3
Age of Enlightenment apparently skipped Alaska – Proving that she’s old school when it comes to family values (old as in Middle Ages) Gov.Sarah Palin nominated Attila the Hun..urr.. Wayne Anthony Ross for the State’s attorney general.
When asked to explain why he opposed criminalizing sexual assault among married couples, Ross replied: “If you can’t rape your wife, who can you rape?”
AIG looks to change image after Bailout controversy – Trying to stem outrage after the public learned that AIG paid over $100 million in bonuses from bailout funds meant to stimulate the economy to the very people responsible for the Sub-Prime crisis. With it’s brand tarnished, AIG is considering a PR campaign with either ‘Ooops, about that global economic collapse, our bad’ or ‘Hey, at least we’re not Bernie Madoff’ as it’s slogan.
Dick Cheney might want to lawyer up – Several Bush admin officials including Alberto Gonzalez may not want to leave the country anytime soon thanks to expected indictments of human rights violations from Spain. I’m not well versed in Legalese, but from what I understand, by choosing to violate the Geneva Convention regarding the humane treatment of prisoners of war at Guantanamo Bay outside the US legal system.
It also means those who performed or authorized are laso outside the protection of the US legal system. The detainee camp essentially operated in a ‘lawless’ zone where any human rights offense could be prosecuted by any country.
So in essence, the Bush Admin screwed themselves once the Int’l Red Cross verified the systematic torture and deaths of least 12 detainees as a result, because other countries then have the right to prosecute human rights violations which occur to their citizens. But on the bright side they say Spain is lovely in the springtime, especially from a prison cell.
Shit Little Billy has been macking on the ladies already and he is only three months old.
ReplyDeleteBilly